Art o' the Day

The artist of the day is Kathe Kollwitz. Growing up in Germany in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, she was heavily impacted by the works of Zola, and her pieces reflected the incredible poverty and social injustice of the political system and country. She was the first woman to be accepted to the Prussian Acedemy, and subsequently expelled for her ideas and art, which, after the Nazi's bombed her home, they labelled "degenerate". If you can find them, check out "The Weavers Revolution" lithograph series- or for that matter, any of her work. This is a self portrait, lithograph, circa 1900.

Quote of the Day

" When Chuck Norris jumps in the ocean, he doesn't get wet. The ocean gets Chuck Norrised."

- Quoted to me by S.S.

Quote of the Day

"Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one."

-A.J. Liebling

Artist of the Day

I couldn't find just one Frida Kahlo painting that I could put up here.. so instead, here is a picture of her and her on again off again husband, Diego Rivera. Look her up, check out her paintings.

No Blues!

Ian, Steph, Curtis and my brother and I went out to Blues on Whyte on Friday night, and had a blast. I have to say, that place never fails to offer a good time. It's like every biker, mother, hippie and everyone else who doesn't fit in anywhere else.. ends up there, and by default, they all fit in. It was so much fun. The music was phenomenal, as usual, and Steph and Ian and I danced (the boys were too busy with the waitress and their scotch and waters, in that order), and we all drank the really cheap, really cold beer. Which invariably makes it better.

Pages from My Book

Sketches from my travel Moleskin. I've been so preoccupied with structure and skin and bones..

Quote of the Day

"The master of the monstrous...
the discoverer of the unconscious. "

- Carl Gustav Jung, on Hieronymus Bosch

Art o' the Day

"The Temptation of Saint Anthony" (Center Panel) Hieronymus Bosch, circa 1500. So you can see what Jung was talking about.

It's Just So Kantplicated

Philosophy seems to be all about the white space, the negative, the inside, what you can't see and don't say. That you define everything in shades and what its not instead of what it is. You outline everything so painfully, and when you look at it, it dissapears, you have to understand it out of the corner or your eyes and your brain without ever directly focusing on it. It's like a moral and metaphysical x-ray, with very fragile bones.

Cafe Voltaire

I've had a strange beautiful bass and slowness laden day. Went to class, and that part of my morning just slipped by.. went and met Laura at the paint store and pawed through art supplies and got lost in rows of paint and color and almost drown in moss green and plum pink and soft paintbrushes. I'm sure they don't appreciate it, but I end up brushing them against my face and eyelids as I wander about, touching. I even lick the watercolor pencils to see their exact color... Drifted to Laura's and drank tea like the rich with cold cream and sugar cubes and had lemonade in the sun while somebody smoked upstairs, but you can only smell it close to the window.. Painted the cats ears blue, I think she liked it.. Laid in the sun and read Descartes until my eyes started closing, watched Laura paint half sleeping, me and her I think.. Laid on the floor and painted with Laura, the same colors and yet a totally different painting, but still of a woman. Ian and Laura and Alejandro took me for Vietnamese food and we laughed and talked about babies and pregnancy and rabbits and me taking a bath in my sink with my feet in the toilet, because I have no bathtub...Ate the strangest food, shrimp in peaches and cream and scallops and peanuts. Came home and my brother took me to have coffee and smoke a cigar, talk and watch the old men play chess. I showered and now my skin smells like almonds and milk and cigars and roses. I'm listening to this beautiful music.. Ali Farka Toure... It's been an incredible and strange day.

Ms. P's Current Reading List

There's so much.. How did it happen that I have no time, ever?

Jane Austen - Persuasion
Kurt Vonnegut - Jailbird
Gore Vidal- Dreaming War
Joseph Conrad - Heard of Darkness
Kahlil Gibran - The Prophet
Leonard Cohen - Beautiful Losers
Bob Dylan - Chronicles
Salman Rushdie - Shalimar the Clown (yes... I STILL haven't read it)

On the upside, I did manage to read one book over reading week - "Travels with Charley" by John Steinbeck. I'll do a review sooner or later. Anything to keep from reading. *laugh*

Yo-Yo Column

I feel like my heart is snapping back and forth and up and down, its been stretched seven ways from Sunday and painted with chalk. I feel dry and tired and empty. I'm not going to give in to this. I'm determined that this is a byline only, not the article. I'm the article.

Art o' The Day

Mary Cassett - "Maternal"

He does

He kisses my wrists
And it feels like assisted suicide
He holds them gently, with
reverance,
Like religious artifacts or
popes hands
His lips curve about my
veins
Double boiling momentarily
The twice hot blood rushes
my eyes cloud,
My heart stops breathing.

Brrrrr!

It's so snowy, it's awfully funny.. I left D.C. and there were daffodils blooming, and the only thing blooming here are the big red spots on my cheeks from the cold! Spent this spectacular day at school, there were so few people because of all the snow - it was lovely. My own little snow day. Had tea at my place with Laura and talked art and politics and looked at our favorite artists online and discovered new ones.. Went to her place and looked at her new paintings.. She inspires me. Her knowledge and her library and her love makes me feel so.. good. I love being in her home, her presence, it calms me and makes me sane. Walked to the art store to pick up new charcoal, and they have this amazing 50% off sale on canvas. Fantastic. The cleaning kick has warn off somewhat, but I can't stop, because everything is in a psuedo state of organization, but not all the way yet. *laughing* Have a million projects on my mind. Does anyone have a really good recipe for Pad Thai? I'm dedicated to learning a good one. Hope everyone is warm, stay out of the snow, bundle up in bed with a cup of tea. Take care!

Clutter Beware!

I'm on a cleaning rampage. Seriously. I'm in every drawer, every cabinet, I've filled up another 2 bags of clothes for Goodwill, I've cleaned the fridge. I'm so tired of clutter and extra junk. I've got the same pair of jeans 5 times over, the same black t-shirt.. and just so much STUFF. Things I've saved, things I think I'll use.. It's ridiculous! The only thing I'm not touching is my books. I want this place not only to be clean.. but organized and minimized.. Gosh. I wonder how long this is going to last. *laughing* I made Bryan a freezer full of lasagnas and soup, I guess the domesticity must be carrying over. I even made my bed when I got out of it this morning. Maybe I'm sick...

Quote of the Day

A man is a god in ruins.

- Duke Ellington

Any Port in a Storm

This whole aquatic adventure that President Bush is swimming through is quite.. Amusing. The issue lies in the sale of Port Security to a company based in the United ..ahem.. Arab Emirates, and the fact that it wasn't really caught until the last minute, was flying, or swimming, under the radar. Now, I can understand (when I squint my eyes and pretend I'm in an alternate universe) Bush's claim that it is JUST another company that happens to have foreign ownership. I mean, it was run by a British company previously, right? They don't want to look like they're racist, or biased, right? Not like pulling Kareem off the airplane over Jane, right? So just give up a weak spot to a state that sponsors terrorism, and we'll prove that really, we don't think that all Arab states are the same! Great!

Huh. No wonder Bush is pleading ignorance to the problem. I would too.

Art o' the Day

Hugo Ball, 1916 at Cafe Voltaire

Amazingly Unofficially and Best Gallery Guide to D.C.

I've been entirely delightfully delinquent in my blogging lately, due largely to the fact that I've had no drive at all to sit in front of a keyboard when I have the galleries at my fingertips. I have been visiting about a gallery a day for the past week, and have been enjoying every single second of it. The amazing thing here, is that a lot of the galleries are state funded (read: free) and if they're not, they have this amazing student rate which has completely aided in my budgeting (read: poverty and not budgeting at all) .
As you can see below, I've been taking stealthily awful pictures of the amazing art that I've seen, if only to convince myself that I actually have seen it. Unfortunately, the camera batteries ran out on when I visited the National Womens Art Museum, so some of the amazing pieces there have gone entirely undocumented, and if not for the really cute Girl-Guide badge I picked up there for women's art appreciation, I might not believe I had actually been there.
So, for those of you intending to visit D.C., or those who just want to read my terribly witty account of how many marble steps I've tripped up and which paintings I've sneezed a little too close to.. read on!
*disclaimer - due to the fact that I was only here for a week, I only visited the biggest (though not necessarily the best) - galleries in D.C.. I am sure that there are innumerable independant galleries that have escaped me, and I encourage everyone to go out and find them. And tell me.


The Phillips Collection
Bryan and I went specifically to see the Degas, Sickert and Toulouse - Lautrec collection on view right now, but I've been here before and am always impressed by their permanent collection. They're known specifically for the impressionist works (basically all of them) that are on display, a really thourough collection of Modrian, Picasso, Degas, O'Keefe and Klee. The DSTL Exhibit was excellent, althought I thought it was a little slopping in its curation. I didn't particularily like the way they chose to group the paintings.. something about it made it very stop gap, very bumpy. I understood that the primary focus of the exhibit was to demonstrate the diffusion of the impressionist across Europe... but it felt like the painting had just been thrown up, instead of deliberately hung in deliberate order. Perhaps it was just me. They were really stunning, specifically the collection of Degas' dancers in various incarnations. Definately worth-while. The Collection building (half of it) has just completed construction, and looks amazing. I do prefer the older half, where the regular collection is housed in just a plain brownstone, but the new portion is definately function-oriented. Students do get a discount here. Funny thing was, though we both showed the docent university/college id's.. she gave Bryan a student ticket.. and me a child. Damnit.


Corcoran Gallery of Art
My feelings for the Corcoran are mixed. They have REALLY nice staff, and a really nice building.. But I always feel like it's a little empty in there. I'm not a fan of their regular collection, and the carpet always makes me feel like I'm in a public school boot room in the winter, kind of that industrial crap that gave everyone those weird little bumps at nap time. I don't know - I guess I just think it doesn't add too much. We went on the last day of the Warhol exhibit, which I still loved, and Bryan enjoyed too. They also had a rather strange exhibit on in the Corcoran Students Gallery.. "Fated Objects and Strange Projeny" by Ronald Gonzales. It was a collection of handmade "toys" created from various pieces that the artist had found in his native New York. Including a plastic covered rat. It was odd. They were really neat on first view, and upon futher inspection made me want to vomit. *shrug* It's a little pricey to get in here - 8$ even if you are a student, but it's nice. The security is pretty lax. I touched a Warhol last time I was there. Hehehehe...

National Gallery of Art
Yay! Free Gallery! I have to say that this was my favorite gallery. It's divided into two buildings, a West and East building, and the East building is more modern art. I fell in love with this gallery. The West building is all huge rotundas and staircases and gardens and big windows - just stunning. They have Dutch, American, Flemmish, French, Italian rooms, filled with beautiful collections of amazing paintings, Picasso's, Matisse, Degas, Homer, Whistler.. on and on and on. There are stunning, iconic paintings - It seems like every room I walked into there were paintings that I would never see in my lifetime. *Smile* It was amazing. The East building had an INCREDIBLE Dada exhibit, moving through the big cities of Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam.. God, it was amazing. Hannah Hoch, Hans Arp, Man Ray - it was mind blowing! And just as amazing was their regular collection, made up of Pollock, Rothko, Matisse, Warhol, O'Keefe - I was kind of stunned looking, I'm sure. Actually.. I was trying to figure out what this little plaque was for "Sprialling Color" etc etc, and was looking at a rather wide Rothko, backing up.. Until I realised that the plaque was for the entire wall that I was leaning against and had been drawn on by what looked like Crayons. Whoops. At least I didn't pee in Duchamp's urinal.. In the West building they had a huge Cezanne exhibit, which was equally as stunning as the Dada exhibit, although there were a lot of whiney Italian and French people with really tight pants and furs on. Hm. I would recommend a good deal of time to go through this gallery, they take minimun 2 hours for each of the buildings. But it's worth it! And free! Yay! Free! (A little warning - the marble stairs in the West building have been warn down a little, so they have kind of a concave middle. I never knew it was possible to simultaneously fall up, and down, stairs.)

National Museum of Women in the Arts
There are a few really worthwhile pieces in this museum/gallery, and they're SO kind. It's only 3$ for students, and the docents will tell you exactly what you should see, their favorites.. its really nice. The building is an old Masons hall, and it quite beautiful, the sweeping stairways are really impressive. They have a modern room, classical, neoclassical, on and on. Though small, the collections tend to pull some of the best and put them together. Some. I found that some of the pieces were really.. not very good at all, and I had a feeling that they were included just because they were women. Which is sort of dissapointing. On the other hand, they did have pieces by Lee Krasner (Pollocks wife) and Frida Kahlo that I wish could be more widely exhibited. It was a beautiful and quiet, though really regal collection. I suggest it to anyone. Doesn't take a lot of time to go through it, I think that the collection is only 3,000 pieces wide, and a very small portion are on display. Definately worth the time and effort.

So there you have it. Its completely worth visiting just these galleries, if you have no other time to visit others. Most of them are within walking distance of downtown D.C., depending on the weather - but cab drivers provide the best conversation, so don't pass up that option either! Next time I want to do the Textile Museum and the Postal Museum. Yay stamps and rugs!

Is this Irony?

So I'm sitting in Dupont Circle, waiting for Bryan to get off class, and flipping through a book of Bukowski poetry. Dupont Circle is where all the.. um.. homeless (is that still pc?) hang out, and to be honest, I always feel pretty safe there. The ratio of body building gay men to skinny homeless guys is pretty even, so I don't think they take much notice of me. Even if they did it might be in a strange, ornothological way.

This really kind looking black guy ambles up and introduces himself as "B.P" and shakes my hand, sits down and asks if I'm reading poetry, and then asks what I'm going to do with the book after. I answer (as honestly as I can, hearing how lame the words sound when this guy is pushing a grocery cart with his life in it..) that I'll probably put it on a shelf somewhere. B.P tells me he trades books around, so that he can read more. Also remarks that he just got out of jail, that they had a pretty good library there. I told him that if I finished my book by the weekend, that I would gladly trade him, for anything he had that he thought I might like.

B.P. says, with all the honesty in the world, "I'm just finishing this one book, it's really changed my life. I love it. But I'll trade it. It's about Feng Shui."

Art o' the Day

Photo by Mikaela McQuade, 2005.
(I'm the worst sister ever. I actually
spelt my sister's name wrong. I fixed it.
Please don't disown me!)

Pollock n' Rothko n' Van Gogh, Oh My!

Jackson Pollock - Lavender Mist
Vincent Van Gogh - Self Portrait
Mark Rothko - (I cannot find the name of this work!)

Quote of the Day

Me - "We don't have anything like this in Canada, nothing so extensive" (motioning to the gallery)

Gift Shop Lady- (surprised and shocked) "You don't have giftshops in Canada?"

Ms. Poshlust.. Still Does Washington

The Beautiful Library of Congress
The Beautiful Ms. P at the reflecting pool with the Washington Monument in the back
And the awesome Lincoln Memorial

Ms. Poshlust Does Washington.

Mr. Bryan and Ms. P hang out eating a pretzel by the white house..
Then went to see the Vietnam War Memorial (check out the horribly sad note left with the can of Budweiser..)
And Ms. P going for tea with George.

Art o' the Day

Sickert's "Minnie Cunningham"

Washington, Part Deux

So, I'm in Washington. The flight was unending - both the plane and those of the irritating butterflies that had taken up residence in my belly and chest - but Seattle was nice, and I bought a Starbucks coffee and sat and looked at Mt. Rainier just to say I had. (Which, apparently, is a rare thing to see, usually fogged up and invisible.)

Washington.. is good. The talking has been incessant, not all bad, not all good - but all right. I have a feeling of hope, and know that no matter what happens, that this was the right thing to do. I have a friend back, and for that, I'm eternally grateful. For now, I'll keep my cards to my proverbial chest - but I'm hopeful and happy and enjoying myself.

After the awkward momentary lapse of cool and calm at the airport, Bryan and I went out to have a drink at Merkado, and a little bite to eat. Merkado is such a treat - epicurian and theatrical; owed no doubt to the high number of boy-dates going on, it being located very intelligently next to the happenest gay club. The two, very funny, very sweet black gentlemen next to us were interested not in me, of course, but in Bryan's sexuality, and really, hadn't he given boys just a small thought? While Bryan assured them, amid my shouting laughter, that no, he was quite sure that he had no interest, they also asked our relation, our story etc. It was funny to tell it, and they were very encouraging, and the laughter carried on for a quarter of an hour. It was lovely, and I left warm and smiling. And fairly certain that even due to the plethora of new facial care products in the shower, that Bryan was not interested in men.

We went to get groceries yesterday, at the commissary at Bolling Airforce Base. Right next to the Director of National Intelligence HQ, and Naval Research... And all that entirely sinister stuff. It didn't help my spidey sense that it was all located opposite this dark and imposing forest that looked like it routinely ate small children and bunnies for dessert. Getting ON to the base was funny. In Indian, everyone at the Embassies carry these pre-Soviet era rifles that look just about as effective as and not nearly as intimidating as some of the BB guns out there. Here, they have those big nasty real shooting guns that stop cars and hearts. It was kinda neat. So I had to get my little pass and show them my humble Canadian ID. It wasn't a problem. Some part of me wanted to reach out and say "Gotch'er Nose!" to the poor marine.. but some part of me, the part that likes my fingers, said hey, sit back, eat another Krispy Kreme.

(Which, I have. By the by. Like, 10 of them. Because 12 is only 25 cents more than a dozen. And really - lets be cost consciencous shall we?)

Made dinner here last night and ate Hawaiian Burgers, started reading "Travels with Charley" outloud to Bryan. I picked it up at Goodwill before I left, and am really loving it. So much so that I went back to the beginning to start reading it outloud.. but also so that it wouldn't be over so quickly!!

Hung about home this morning, reading and listening to music, doing school work etc. Went out this afternoon to my #1 must-do while I was here.. The Degas, Sickert and Toulouse-Lautrec exhibit at the Phillips Collection. It was.. phenomenal. They had a huge slice of Degas' Dancers collection on loan from Tate London, as well as some that I had never even seen in books. It was amazing. All of Sicker's theatre scenes were phenomenal, I had to sit down on the bench to catch my breath between looking at them. Bryan really enjoyed it too, which was wonderful. I took him down to the regular collection to show him some of the Modrian and Modigliani works that I love, and just had a really nice time. Stopped for Ahi and Saporro beer at Raku on the way home.. and here we are. I hope to get to the Corcoran for one last look at the Warhol exhibit before it takes off - Bryan wants to go, and I would love to see it again.

I'm doing well - this is hard, but good, and right. That, and I think I've literally gained weight in Krispy Kremes. Damn.

Art o' the Day

Circa 1900
Unknown Artist
Watercolor on Ivory

Political.. and Emotional Sabotage?

So the whole issue of Hamas being a semi-legitamate political organ has been bothering me lately. (Can't you tell.. it's between the lines of useless prattle). It's not that they were elected - because that really was legitimate and ironic and comical - it's what's going to happen now. I've no doubt that what I've been hearing on CNN may be irrelevant and irreverant - but the notion that the US and Isreal are now working together on something other than films, and that it may be government toppling.. gives me cause for concern. This seems like history just repeating itself. While Hamas may not be our government of choice, it was theirs. And one can't ignore that with the lack of funds originating from the US and Isreal now that Hamas is flying the green flag that there is a definate economic vacuum going on. Who will fill in, be sucked in? I all but assume that it will be the other Middle Eastern States. Then they have one more state sponsoring "terrorism".. which just happens to be a legitimately elected government? I don't know. Somebody help me out.

On an entirely different and pseudo related note.. I'm leaving for Washington tomorrow morning to see Bryan. To talk. I don't know. I have half of my brain excited to see a friend, and the other half broken into inumerable slivers that include "Krispy Kreme" and "NO!" and "Maybe" and "run away" and "run to him" and .. a big sliver that says.. "You have to know". My mom says we all have lose ends. But wouldn't we all take the chance to tie them if we were given the opportunity?

Damn Americans.

Quote of the Day

"In a man's letters his soul lies naked."

-Samuel Johnson

Shot Through the Heart...

And Dick Cheney is to blame... (C'mon, you all know the Bon Jovi song, you can't pretend you don't...) It's kinda not so funny now that Wittingtonfield (right) has had a little bit of an myocardial infarction due to the bird pellets in his heart. It's a little harder to laugh now. But not much. I mean.. what if he's arrested for manslaughter? Hehehe... The indictment waters are rising.. Will Bush get his toes wet?

Hearts and Coffee and Tear Wet Phones

I had two fantastic kind friends give me fantastic kind gifts for Valentines - it really was spectacular. Ian gave me flowers and champagne and chocolate covered strawberries, I got Valentines under my door and in my mailbox - it was actually the first time I had a nice Valentines Day, a truly kind, sweet, candy heart day. Went for dinner with Steph, my brother, Ian, Peterson, Curtis - enjoyed it thouroughly.

Then Bryan and I talked. I don't know what more to say. I'm not sure if it made my day better or worse. But I can't really say for now to tell the truth. It's still.. fermenting?

I had a great morning - went to Phil. with Beach, then Laura and I went to Denny's with him for a couple hours and ate and had so many coffees that I think my eyes are jiggling. Had an awesome talk with him and Laura, and even more with Laura after. She's so wonderful - she centers me and makes my heart and my brain calm, she makes me believe that my life is worth living and that I really do matter to somebody. The fact that I matter to her... makes it worth it a million times over. I think they added sentimentality to that coffee.

Reading week next week. Yeeps. I'm spending it with Laura, whom I realise may be the one true love of my life. *smile* Looking forward to.. well.. reading. Imagine that.

ps - Look out, we're going to feature some of Laura's amazing drawings on here if she gets her butt in gear. Keep a look out.

Oh.. Happy Valentines Day.

Seriously? Is This a Metaphor?

Dick Cheney actually shot his friend in the face? That cracks me up. The official story is that Cheney shot "longtime friend" (and major campaign supporter) Harry Whittington in the face, neck and chest, after Harry returned to the hunting party unannounced. Cheney turned, and while aiming at a quail.... shot him in the head. Like seriously, in the face. Longtime friend. China, Britain... look out.

Stripes

Stripes of sun warm
bars
against my back
like new scratches or hot
laundry;
through bent blinds glows.

I can smell the warmth
heating my skin,
past perfumes
soaps
spit
kisses
bubbling like tar
in the dip of my back.

A burning five fingered
welt,
wrapped around my shoulder
blade, slicing heat underneath
and around,
beats.

-a.M

Sunday Morning Music

For bed and sunshine.

1. I Break Hearts - Leeroy Stagger
2. The City - Joe Purdy
3. Breathe Me - Sia Furler
4. Love Like Laughter - Beth Orton feat. Ben Harper
5. D'Angelo - Feel Like Makin' Love

Really.. that's all you'll need.

I did, I smiled.

I went to the farmers market, read Langston Hughes until I cried, ate sushi and laughed and played squash. I haven't washed my hair, I've read Bukowski and drank red wine and eaten a pie and had eggs benedict and earl grey and jasmine tea. I didn't put on make up and I bought robins egg blue stationary and I didn't check my messages and threw the window wine open and laid naked in the sunshine on the bed. I hid and laughed and mailed a letter and wore the same pair of jeans and looked at so many books and took off my jacket and tripped on cobblestones and drank vanilla soda with whipped cream and tried on huge hats and smiled at myself.

Slices of My Weekend

Slices

Slices

Wabi Sabi Bukowski

Beer and Poetry

Charles Bukowski, Captain of my pirate ship, and Captain of my Heart.

Beer

I don't know how many bottles of beer
I have consumed while waiting for things
to get better
I dont know how much wine and whisky
and beer
mostly beer
I have consumed after
splits with women-
waiting for the phone to ring
waiting for the sound of footsteps,
and the phone to ring
waiting for the sounds of footsteps,
and the phone never rings
until much later
and the footsteps never arrive
until much later
when my stomach is coming up
out of my mouth
they arrive as fresh as spring flowers:
"what the hell have you done to yourself?
it will be 3 days before you can fuck me!"

the female is durable
she lives seven and one half years longer
than the male, and she drinks very little beer
because she knows its bad for the figure.

while we are going mad
they are out
dancing and laughing
with horney cowboys.

well, there's beer
sacks and sacks of empty beer bottles
and when you pick one up
the bottle fall through the wet bottom
of the paper sack
rolling
clanking
spilling gray wet ash
and stale beer,
or the sacks fall over at 4 a.m.
in the morning
making the only sound in your life.

beer
rivers and seas of beer
the radio singing love songs
as the phone remains silent
and the walls stand
straight up and down
and beer is all there is.

-Charles Bukowski

Gardening the Friends

I don't know if it's just because I'm feeling pessimistic, or if Laura is right and this has been a bitch of a week, or because I actually have the RIGHT to feel grumpy and unloved and un-showered with kindness.. Or that as I'm typing this I realise I have a totally great couple of friends and an amazing family.. but this week.. sucked.

It seems like at every turn I had somebody complaining and whining and sick and mental at my door, in my inbox, on MSN, on the voicemail, plus layer upon layer of homework and reading and class and deadlines... It never ended. I want to be a good person, and I want to take care of them all, I want to get my assignments done and I need to go to class - but what happened to bringing a girl flowers, to saying thanks, to helping out? Now, I know that there are exceptions to this in my life (see - Ian, Laura, my brother) but as of late, it feels like the negative has overwhelmed the positive with amazing force and determination. My paltry complaints of having thighs that jiggle and jackass "friends" seem kind of... paltry. But don't you occasionally want to tell people to buck up and get a life? I've decided that I'm going to weed out the people in my life that contribute nothing and take everything, for once I'm going to take my own advice. I'm downsizing like Ford. There are people that no matter what the situation, always seem to take so much more from me than I have to offer, nevermind the fact that I needed something. I'm sure there is a witty psychological name for them. We'll go with Takers. (This does not assume I am a Giver. Do not make that mistake. ;-) So here I go. Weeding.

Given that I don't live in the West Bank, nor do I have a cleft palate and my name isn't Honey, I realise fully that I don't have a lot to complain about. It could be worse, I could be Danish. But damn it, I want flowers. And 21 red balloons and a bottle of good champagne. Is that so damn much to ask?

Quote of the Day

"Democracy. The sickness at the center of our souls."

- p.b

A Gumbo with Heineken

Went to Laura and Alejandro's place last night for dinner, had a nice time. Matt and Alejandro cooked a lovely meal for us, while we sat at the table and studied and wrote. It was really nice. Everyone of us has fairly different ideas about everything (politics, food, psychologists) so it was a wonderful conversation. Its so comfortable there, hanging out, eating, laughing. I needed it.

Quote of the Day

Out of nothing, nothing comes.
Unknown (to me.)

Paint Laid

I'm wrapped in sheets
of canvas paintings lying
across my chest.
Pine frames against my legs
legs of paintings, faded
worn and repainted
and blurred.

Layers of girls and stories
and dragons and crayonish suns
A tree pressed against
my throat;
wrists of roots against
my sternum.

his ribs of pine braces pressing
tight as the canvas breathes with
moisture
and the girls sweat as they pitch
against
my belly.

-a.M

No Route 66...

I'm getting the strangest hits.. So Paulo, Stavanger Norway, Korea, Singapore.. an "Unknown Country".. Odd yes?

Holy Hockey Game!

NOW I'm Canadian, or Gauche of the Goal

I went to my first hockey game today - no word of a lie. Ian took me to the Edmonton Oilers vs. the Anaheim Mighty Ducks game, (I was a little dismayed to learn that they don't ACTUALLY do the flying V move...) and I had so much fun! The beer was good and expensive and the pretzles were hot and the girls.. well.. the girls were REALLY dressed up, like pointy shoes and everything. It was weird. But the beer was so good! I missed the first two goals because I got excited and couldn't find the puck and got distracted by the flashing lights, but the rest of them I saw, and jumped up and cheered. And yelled a couple "kick 'em in the throat"s out to the boys in blue. (Ooo.. I can say that now! Yay!) It was a blast, thank you so much for taking me Ian. I've got my free life sized Chris Pronger poster to keep me warm tonight. Goal!

Elevator Ladies

Pebbles, No Stones.

Oooo.. did the entertainment industry really learn a lesson vis a vis Ms. Jackson? I'm watching the Superbowl Halftime Show, which is really the only part of the whole chili infested event that I'm interested in - and the Rolling Stones are a) still alive and b) rocking out PG13 style. They just sang "Rough Justice" .. with a self imposed little silent pause. See if you can figure out where it goes...

One time you were my baby chicken
Now you've grown into a fox
Once upon a time I was your little rooster
But am I just one of your cocks...

Oh Janet. One bad apple and I have to watch an 80 year old man mouth "cocks" instead of sing it. Too funny.

For Waitresses In Diners With Blisters

Was listening to Moon Pix this morning, an old Cat Power CD.. and my nifty iTunes tells me that there's a new album out.. Being poor and well.. poor, I just downloaded "The Greatest" off line. And honestly, I think it lives up to it's moniker. I'm all for the angst ridden American Flag Cat Power.. but The Greatest is beautiful in it's semi-Fleetwood/EmmyLou Harris opium way. A little more country ( like "What Would The Community Think" distilled).. its still very sexy and lyrically awesome. The title track has "Moon River" strings in it, and "Lived in Bars" was written for every waitress or alcoholic (pretty much the same thing) out there. Has enough melody for Sunday mornings.. but it doesn't wear underwear on Saturday night.

Play On

After a bit of research, it's been confirmed. Franz Ferdinand and Death Cab for Cutie will be playing together at the Shaw Conference Center on April 25th! Other than that, there are some pretty good concerts coming up...

March 1st - Controller Controller at the Starlite Room, 8pm 16$
March 3rd - We Are Wolves at Velvet Underground, 8pm 13$
March 4th - Bob Mould at the Starlite Room, 8pm 27$ (ouch!)
March 8th - Most Serene Republic at Powerplant, 7pm 13$
March 24th, Jason Collett at Powerplant, 8pm 10$

Now that you know, don't leave those essays to the last minute. I'm sure there are a lot of other concerts in between these.. don't worry, I'll keep you updated. *Smile*

Controversial Cartoons

Hmm.. So these are the cartoons causing so much heat. They're not published anywhere very clearly on the web, this is about as good as it gets. Funny how people get the angriest when something.. is true. (Interesting fact - this was published Sep. 30th - 2005 )

Country Music, Country Pies

Had a lovely Friday/Saturday. Spent Friday night with Ian, Steph, Josh, Laura, Alejandro, Carlynn and more.. At the Ridley Bent concert. It was fantastic. Had a great time drinking Strongbow and dancing and laughing. It was so great, he was a riot live. The band was so incredible, and Ridley was so into it - it made for an incredible concert.

Went to the Farmers Market this morning with Ian, it was smart to go early. We usually go mid afternoon, and there are a lot of stalls already sold out at that point, like "Mom's Pies". We always stand there and look at the empty table and the list of amazing sounding pies that we've missed out on. *laughing* But because we went early today, we got to sample the pies, it was great!!! We bought a deep dish apple and a raspberry rhubarb - and she gave us a turtle pie too! Chocolate and caramel and pecans.. she was so sweet. I love going there - everything is so healthy and fresh and everyone is so kind. It's a nice Saturday tradition.

Friday Fun

Wabi Sabi Playlist

Beautiful Imperfect Listening for a Beautifully Imperfect Day

1. East of Anywhere - Lamya
2. Visions of Johanna - Bob Dylan
3. I Found a Reason - Cat Power
4. Cinnamon Girl - Neil Young
5. Pocket Knife - PJ Harvey
6. Cannibal's Hymn - Nick Cave
7. Maple Leaves - Jens Lekman
8. Tusk - Fleetwood Mac
9. Where Cedar Nouns and Adverbs Walk - The Most Serene Republic
10. Golden Touch - Razorlight
11. Raw Sugar - Metric
12. Suicidewinder - Ridley Bent
13. That Heat - Sergio Mendes/ Erykah Badu

I Heard You Could Drown in a Teaspoon of Water...

Sports Injury!!!

I'm so proud of myself. I've been swimming, playing squash or working out at the gym for the past 6 days.. Steph and I have a squash court booked to play with Tyler and a friend tomorrow.. so that'll make a whole week! Unfortunately, I was on the little bicycle deal tonight, and adjusted the seat, and dropped it on that nice thick nerve beside your thumb. ARG! I managed to keep my cool and only yipped slightly, though the thumb was unusable for the next ten minutes. Ah well - now I'm macho.

Forgotten Funny.

Ian and I were at McDonalds a while back on a Sunday, when all the seniors and their various incarnations of hair pieces hang out and drink free-refill coffee. There was this table, partially obscured by fur coats and hats and gold lame and strange plastic broaches, surrounded by old (not elderly, not aged...Old) people. It's so easy to eavesdrop on their conversations, as they speak so loudly into each others faces that well.. I don't think it's eavesdropping anymore.

We follow this old man out in his fur cap, when he pauses by this big boat of a cadillac, covered in a thin amount of snow, and proceeds to write "Hi" upside down, readable to the driver. Then brushes of his hands, and moves on.

Guess you're never too old to order a Happy Meal.

Quote of the Day

"Practicing virtue ethics is like flying by the seat of your pants. So you better be a good pilot."


-A philosopher.. as passed along by P.B.

Exhaling.

The smell of laundry detergent, Jagermeister, spaghetti sauce, fried mushrooms, Alito's confirmation, scissors, short hair, big sunglasses, Fiddler on the Roof, tattoos, books books books, cigarettes, laughter.... so much laughter.. squash, philosophy, short shorts, photographs, drawing, painting, singing, showering twice a day, no money, dinner parties, punk music, funny bouncers, sticky feet, Visions of Johanna, Indian food, coffee coffee coffee, late nights, early mornings, driving driving, pool, green onion cakes, swimming, dancing, talking talking.. .... 5 days of all of this.. and more... and finally breathing again.

Electile Dysfunction

It seems like upsets are the political event du jour - Hamas is now the official ruling Palestinian body, after more than 40 years of the late Yasir Arafats Fatah party. If you put in French people to play the Isrealis, and Martin to play Arafat, Harper to play Mahmoud Zahar... we could call Hull the West Bank, and you've got Canada. Fiddler on the Roof with coureurs de bois and you've got yourself a deal.

Unfortunately, this puts a political party regarded as a terrorist group by Isreal, the United States and the European union in a very volatile position. While Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas' position is left unchanged by the outcome, his relationship with Isreal has just hit the proverbial fan. Ehud Olmert, Isreals acting prime minister (remember, Sharon is still in the hospital - otherwise he'd be spinning in his grave) has cut off talks. With any portion of the government under Hamas, he refuses to entertain the idea of peace talks. I imagine it would be like shaking a hand with gangrene and attempting to deal solely with the mind of the person - eventually, the gangrene will effect the entire body - governing or not. Olmert now has to contend with a government with a gangrenous terrorist arm - a faction who's initial raison d'etre is the extraction of all Isrealis. And that's putting it delicately.

Mahmoud Zahar, the leader of Hamas - faces an interesting dilemma. While he was voted in on the basis of many promises for social change- exactly how is he to implement this change when the majority of the money coming in from Western nations... now consider him a terrorist? We don't support terrorists, correct? Even if they're democratically elected, under our encouragement for free, full, and fair elections?

I'm not really joking when it seems like drastic political change is au currant. Is this cyclical, that the stagnancy of governements demonstrated over the past years has finally come to a breaking point? We're changing out governments, left, right and center, but it appears we're doing it in extreme measures. Are there no intermediary parties, that aren't terrorists or conservatives?

I'll wait and watch. While Hamas flies their green flags and Palestinians show us their democratically blue thumbs - lets remember who helped print the ballots...and who will print the money.

Your Social Secretary Says...

Do some of this amazing stuff this week, this month, next month!!!

Now, until April 2nd - 80 Years at the Edmonton Art Gallery. Art not typically grouped together, by year of aquirement instead of artist etc - should provide an interesting visual journey.

Now, until Feb. 23rd. - Cynthia Gardiners beautiful and sad drawings, done by the hundreds after her husbands suicide, are on display in the Neither Here Nor There exhibition - also curated by Cynthia. It's on at ArtsHab Studio.

Jan. 28th - "Oldseed" (Craig Bjerring) plays the Black Dog Freehouse @ 4pm. Sweet, nomadic, semi-country, semi 70's rock.. Good music to get warm and enjoy a beer to.

Jan 27-30th - El Crimen Perfecto (The Perfect Crime) Alex de la Iglesia's awesomly stylish black comedy plays at Metro Cinema at 9pm.

Jan. 29th - Feb 2nd - The 10$ Fare for 10 Days event - Check out this awesome week, some of the best unique restaurants in Edmonton are offering their most popular dishes for 10$.

Jan. 30th - Stephen Lewis, Secretary General Special Envoy to Africa, is speaking at Myer Horowitz Theatre as part of International Week, 12-1:30 (Free!!)

Feb. 1st - Bebop Cortez kicks off The Sidetracks last 25 days.. at it's old location! Don't worry,
it's just moving to its new location on 104th St. Listen to the living room made 70's meets Hip Hop vibe. Doors at 8pm - and they have an amazing 2.50$ cover charge to celebrate their 25 years!

Feb. 2nd - Ron Jeremy, "discusses his life experiences and how he went from a special ed teacher to a porn star". City Centre Campus Cafeteria, 6:30-9:30 (5$ students, 8$ public)

Feb. 3rd - Amazing pseudo country sexy voiced Ridley Bent is playing at the PowerPlant.. Bring your cowboy hat and have a Pilsner. 10$ tickets at BlackByrd, Listen, Megatunes etc.

Feb. 10th - Joseph Sebarenzi, Head of the Rwandan Parliament, is speaking at MacEwan Haar Theatre @ 6pm (6$ students, 9$ public)

Excerpt From "A Theft" - by Saul Bellow

"You can always get a remedy, you can tap into solace when you need it, you can locate a mental fix. America is generous is this regard. The air is full of helpful hints. Ithiel was too proud to accept any handy fix. Like: "Suicide is a power move." "Suicide is punitive." "The poor kids never mean it." "It's all the drama of rescue." You could tell yourself such things; they didn't mean a damn. In all the world, now, there wasn't a civilized place left where a woman would say, "I love you with my soul." Only this backcountry girl was that way still. If no more mystical sacredness remained in the world, she hadn't been informed yet. Straight nosed Ithiel, heading for Washington and the Capitol Dome, symbolic of a nation swollen with world significance, hadn't set a greater value on Clara than on anything in this place, or any place. He thought, This is what I opted for, and this is what I deserve...I got what I had coming. "

Hold Me, and Pass Another Glass

So, it's done - we have a new Conservative gov't. My brother and some friends spent the evening together attempting to completely ignore the election and the dubious results. At least I had a wonderful evening chatting about all the improbable and frighteningly probable results of our new and shiney Prime Minister.

I'm not entirely sure how my brother keeps growing in leaps and bounds in front of my eyes. He actually had a dinner party last night, tablecloth, wine and mixed drinks included. It was incredible. He made this big dinner of teriyaki chicken (the sauce made from scratch), rice, potatoes, cream corn and salad with homemade dressing! It was.. amazing. We sat around and drank wine and ameretto sours and laughed and chatted.. The best part is, because we're all on the same floor, the walk home was short, sweet and warm.

*gulp*. Ok. So we've got a new government and a new Prime Minister. (See, I was wending my way here. I just couldn't talk about it right away.) Stephen Harper and the Progressive Conservatives. Prime Minister Stephen Harper. I'm surprised that Canadians actually went and voted in the change that they were looking for - albeit not with overwhelming certainty. We, once again, couldn't effectively and wholeheartedly put our votes behind one idea or another, so now the Liberals are really only 35 seats behind where they started yesterday morning. This is such an unstable government, it's a little frightening. We've got such a fine balance, if the BQ ever banded with the Liberals (because face it, Gilles really didn't have too many kind words for Harper) then Harper would topple like electoral Jenga blocks.

I have a feeling, despite the fact that it feels like everyone is holding their breath.. that Harper will be very careful in the next few months. Without a majority government, the radical changes that he initially wholeheartedly backed have been temporarily pocketed, and I don't think we'll hear a lot about them in the next little while. There is a sense that the clock has begun ticking for Harper, and any mention of gay marriage, abortion, or minority rights will only take time off the power clock. In this sense, I'm re-examining Paul Martin's attempt to remove the Notwithstanding Clause with Harper during the debate - maybe Martin felt his incumbant loss and was attempting to protect what he knew Harper would attack?

I think that if Harper returned with a majority government that Canada might witness more of a change than it bargained for. But right now - I have to say I feel like it was a bit of a waste of time. The balance is so fragile, does it really matter that we have somebody different in power? He's got to be so careful the next little while, will he really change anything? Or did Canada get exactly what they wanted? Just another 40 year old man who talks big, but really won't make any changes? I guess we just have to wait and see.

Tick.. tick.. tick..

Orientation by Olfactory Senses

I love walking to Laura's house - I'm sure I could actually do it blind, and be guided entirely by smells. I have to go by the Kal-Tire plant, which always smells of hot rubber and steam and sweat, and then past three or four little chinese/vietnamese restaurants that smell of steamed rice and spice and humidity...My favorite part of the walk is always going by Humo, the cigar shop - it's so wonderful. Even when it's minus 20, walking by the cigar shop makes me think of white sand and Cuba and mojitos and warmth and suntans. You have to turn right past a little Italian restaurant, where it always smells a little like burnt garlic... I dream of Cuban and Italy all along the way. Sometimes I spit I hate this weather so much.

Quote of the Day

"No matter how much mayonaise you add, you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit"

- A Grandmother, about relationships.

* I think this may be the answer to "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade".

Happy Democracy Day!

So I voted. I stood in line, in the cold with Laura, bringing the median age of the voters there down by, oh, 40 years. Without all the Grant Mac students that were there, I think that everybody was around..80. But I was so proud to see all the shining and confused faces trying to figure out who was who.

I was fairly sure that I would vote Liberal, regardless of my previous rants and raves. I'm too afraid (and afraid is the word here) of Stephen Harper becoming Prime Minister Harper, and removing (as much as you can in oh so tentative Canada) minority rights and lefts. His fanatasism sort of scares me, and when they get to chanting "Harper Harper".. well, lets just say it scares me. German scares me. So I thought I'd vote Liberal to circumvent that whole scary nasty Anne Frank mess. And I got into the little polling cardboard box, and after reading the little "Fi Fie Fo Fum, McLellans a hoe and Martin's a Bum..." poem written on the table, I voted for the NDP. I wanted to place the politics game, I wanted to circumvent and prevent and vote strategically - and I couldn't. I voted for Donna Martyn, our NDP candidate. (Who, in follow up to the Liberal girls who said there are too many barriers for women in politics.. I'd like them to meet Donna. In a wheelchair, with a neurological disability that affects only her body - well, she's a woman. If she was gay and a minority she'd meet every demographic most likely NOT to get elected.. And yet, she's doing it. Humph.) I figure if I didn't vote with my conscience, then.. well, I wouldn't be much of a voter.

So good luck everyone - hope its a fair fight. Well.. its Canadian. It'll be fair. But it might not be interesting. Damn it.

Damn it, Now I'm in the Race.

All I have to say... Fuckin' Eh.

Wine 'o The Week

Wine - Mission Hill Reserve Shiraz, 2003
Cost - Approx. 25$
Availible At - Oliver Square Liquor Store (just found out that you get a 5% discount if you're a student!!)
They Say it Tastes Like - Dark, nearly black with nuances of white pepper and smoked meat on a foundation of fine frained tannins.
We Say it Tastes Like- Really full, gentle. Not extremely "hot" or alcoholic tasting, but still packs a wollop. (And that's official wine-o language.) If this wine was a woman, she'd have a pretty big butt. It seemed thicker than average, and left a lot of sediment on the glass. Tastes of currents and berries.
Best Served In - A huge wine glass, so you can put your whole face in this one.
While Listening To - Sarah Vaughn Live
Or Watching - Cops. Yup. Cops.
And Eating - Goat Cheese Salad and Spaghetti Casserole
Or Reading - The New York Times online
Label - Plain, beige and black, neat map on the back showing their proximity to Napa and Sonoma. Those Canadian wineries - always trying to prove their chops.
Cork - Cool design. With the ammount of sediment in the bottle, I though that maybe I made a removal error - but nope. Neat stamp on the cork.

Overall - A FANTASTIC wine. A little on the pricey side for a student, so I'm lucky Ian brought it over. It was amazing from the first sip to the last - thick and meaty, sweet and full - this is a great Canadian wine.

Fabulous Floria

Absurd, beautiful, frightening, strange - check out Floria Sigismondi, artistic jack of all trades.

Better..And Then Some

Spent the most luxurious day in bed, puttering around, trying to clean up, read, study. Steph dropped by later in the eve, as did Ian for a bit - so I made them a nice dinner, through Sarah Vaughn on the stereo and played hostess. I don't know what it is about feeding people, about taking care of them, putting out napkins and good home made food, sitting down to laugh and drink.. but it makes me happy. I love watching people eat good food that I've made, watch them smile and laugh and drink. I think I was born to be a hostess. Or a mother. *laugh*

We drank a few bottles of wine, and I spent most of today recouperating in bed this morning, contemplating exactly how my house gets so messy overnight while I'm asleep. I had this amazing beautiful moment eating a bagel and coffee and watching "Men with Brooms" where I felt, for the first time in a while.. happy. Honestly, perfectly, happy. My headache had dissapeared, there was sun coming in the window, I was warm and comfortable and.. happy. I'm not going to question it. It was just nice.

Spent the afternoon with Laura, flipping through art texts and listening to music and laughing and talking. Alejandro made Shake n' Bake for dinner, and they had like, 3 different kinds of mustards - ritzy folk- so I was happy. I always leave there feeling so creative and inspired and loved. We traded some music for a Saul Bellow book and just had a lovely time. So inspiring that I came home, and used the inspiration to do my laundry, organize my books and homework, and even made a lunch to take to school tomorrow.

Here's to Mondays - they're always so full of possibilities.

Oh What a Night

A really amazing night/day yesterday. I had a fantastic day in classes, out of classes - it was just one of those days. My philosophy classes were both absolutely stunning - they actually make my brain expand, I'm sure of it. I had a good lunch with Alex and Jocelyn, lamenting over the cold and snow (even though it was only -10...) and planning an escape to Mexico to live out the rest of our days on a beach, reading trashy novels and philosophy texts.

Went to the Philosophy cafe where Amanda was presenting her topic, Gender Polarization. It was a difficult night in that a good majority of the night was spent trying to adequetly define and examine the question from a philosophical standpoint, instead of a sociological one. The best conversations were had post - cafe, we we all sat around chatting un-mediated. There are some truly brilliant minds there, it's such a pleasure to hear them speak.

Saw my friend Jessica, I only ever really see her in passing or at the Cafe, so it was nice to sit and chat and catch up. She's such a smart, interesting girl, we really hit it off. We had a lot of the same opinions about what was being said, so it was nice to be able to look at somebody and see them roll their eyes when you feel like it! We left from there to the Starlite Room to see her friends band play with a bunch of people from school and the Phil. Cafe. (She just called to say what a good time she had!! So cool!!!!) We had a blast dancing and drinking and just relaxing. They're such a cool group of friends, and it was such a pleasure to spend time with them. Jessica and I are going out for coffee later this week.. it'll be so nice to chat with her again. Yay!

Looking forward to relaxing today, spending some time with Ian and Steph. What a lovely week I've had.

Why I Won't Be Voting Liberal

Scene: All candidates meeting at Grant MacEwan Dorm - Liberal, NDP, Conservative, Green Party, and Marxist Leninist parties are all in attendance. Many students milling about getting handshakes and buttons from various candidate, or saluted by the pimply 18 year old ML candidate.

Enter 2 short brunettes, Andrea and Stephanie, looking to talk issues. They wander over to the Liberal table, where there are two young-ish, grumpy looking young women sit, alone.

Andrea: Hey!
Girl 1- Hey. Vote for Anne McCllelan. She's a woman too.
Andrea - Wow, that makes me want to vote for her less, now that you've said that.
Girl 1 - What??!! Why would you say that!
Andrea - How does her sex have anything to do with whether or not she's a good politician? Does she not run on anything other than the fact she's a woman? Or do you assume that I'm not interested in any other issues? (confused)
Girl 1 - You know, 52% of the population is women, and only 17 percent of those in Parliament are women. You should vote for a woman to even that out. (getting angry)
Andrea - I think that perhaps we have reached a homeostasis - the number of women in parliament is the number of women there are supposed to be in parliament.
Girl 2 - They don't make enough money to go into politics. We need to change that.
Andrea - And when you do, perhaps that number in parliament will change. But you're attempting to change things from the top up, when it needs to go the other way. For the society we're in, the correct number of women are in parliament.
Girl 1 - You would say that. You're like, what? 20? I was only making a joke. God. Vote Liberal.

A Friggin' Flaming Olive Branch

So there's another Bin Laden tape out, authenticated and verified and broadcast worldwide. Same-o same-o content. Pull out your troops, we will attack.. And then, what's this? An olive branch? If you pull out all your troops, we won't attack? Well, somebody peed all over that olive branch and lit it on fire. And God knows that Americans don't want pee on their hands.

Chocolate Steak. 'Nuff Said.

Ian took me out to a beautiful dinner on Thursday night, I had such a fantastic time. We went off to Culina, which is always such a treat. I've never actually gone there NOT on a Sunday for family night, so I got to choose my own meal. *laughing* I had the steak with dirty mashed potatoes and milk chocolate and blue cheese.. Oh my god it was phenomenal. You all know I'm not a big red meat fan (other than raw beef.. uh.. right...) But this was something else. It was delish. Needless to say I got my fill of red meat for the next year - but it was totally worth it!

Dinners with Ian are always so great. He's such a good dinner partner, he knows the silence of people eating good food, and that smile you share when you're having one of those ethereal good taste moments. He's my favorite dinner partner, be it at McDonalds or Culina. *smile* Thanks for the lovely dinner Ian - it was a lovely time.

Good Food with A Good Friend (and did I mention I'm now a Brunette?)

Plato, Hamlet, Tea and Cookies

I had a really lovely day, totally relaxed and easy and.. nice. I was making dinner just as Steph came home, so I had her over to eat and chat and relax after school. She's been working on a Hamlet essay the past few days with a Plato twist, and I've been working through "The Meno" so we were basically on the same track. So I made us numerous pots of Mandarin Spice tea and we worked for a few hours together. It was really nice to have somebody in the house, we both agreed. Even though we live in dorms, with hundreds of people upstairs and down.. you get lonely! So I worked on my stuff and helped her with her essay, and we just.. relaxed. It was so nice. Just.. Nice. *sigh*

Quote of the Day

"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things. "

-Descarte

Tennesse Williams.. in Japanese.

Despite my rabid dislike of Tennesse Williams, I agreed (with much enthusiasm - I'll take Williams over Tuesday night television anyday) to go and see Glass Menagerie with Laura and Alejandro and Matt. Perhaps the Greek Gods of theatre heard my internal moans and groans because the production was sold out to what appeared to be a group of English as a second language Japanese students.

So instead, being wild, crazy, and a little bit jacked up on the fact that we were neither wild nor crazy, we decided perhaps five pin bowling was the answer. We struck out, however, in that it was league night, which was evident from the moment we walked in by the number of fingerless gloves and women in matching track suits.

From there we went to Martini's for a beer and a little bit of discussion regarding pedagogy and the lack of imagination inherent within, and some popcorn. Landing on the subject of vegetarians and meat and all things edible, we decided to go for sushi on the South side at Wasabi.

We capped our night off with an orgasmic meal of beef tataki and a million pieces of tuna and salmon and what not, and had the restaurant entirely to ourselves. All the Japanese people in town were at The Glass Menagerie.

We live in circles I tell you, infinate and strange circles.

Hm. Let's Hope It's Hurricane Resistant, Ray

A chocolate New Orleans? Seriously. New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin claimed they would "build a better New Orleans. It was a chocolate New Orleans before, and it will be again. I don't care where you're from, uptown or whatever. New Orleans will be chocolate."

And his follow up? "Do you know how to make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, and you mix it with white milk, and you get a great.. chocolate.. drink."

Forget Hurricanes. Mardi Gras has a new official drink. The New Orleans Chocolate Drink. All the racial tension of the 9th Ward at a French Quarter barbeque in one tumbler. Drink up Ray!

Can You Freeze or Flush Krispy Kremes?

So my beautiful friend Stephanie knows my penchant for Krispy Kremes, and brings my sad ass back a dozen from Calgary to mend my broken heart and stop my lettuce eating streak. With the fuel and fury of a couple Krispy Kremes in my system I managed to get to the grocery store and back without belaboring my situation to the poor senior citizen grocery bagger, and made a real meal for my brother and I to eat, Monday being our night to get together for dinner.

Unfortunately, after a relatively upsetting phone conversation I was relegated back to bed to wallow in self pity and what was left of the hawaiian burgers. I know that I'm hitting something akin to rock bottom when I'm now removing the wine corks with my teeth, entirely bypassing using a glass, or plates, as I settle the pot of burgers and rice in my lap to watch yet another "It ain't my baby" session of Maury. Somehow, it always makes me feel better watching Maury or Jerry or something like that. I figure, at least I have my teeth. That's gotta be a plus, right?

So considering I've now inhaled an entire 6 man serving of hawaiian burgers with the efficiency of a ShopVac, I thought it might be prudent to tuck away what was left of the box of Krispy Kremes into the freezer. I'm not sure if one should freeze Krispy Kremes. But I thought it was a good idea considering..well, I had a good few short of a dozen left, and was quickly getting a Kremey doughnut hang over. (That I was considering just looping doughnuts around the wine bottle neck for easy access after a swig was also an indication that they had to go.) I'm sure my neighbor also appreciated it as about every 15 minutes or so my microwave would turn on for 10 seconds at a time to heat up another doughnut. It's not a quiet microwave. I think it probably sounded like I was trying to cook a turkey in 10 second intervals.

Like a junkie.. I grab one last doughnut. In my midnight nudity, I also need to pee. Ah. The dilemma. So I stuff the burning hot doughnut in my mouth, hoping that I can pee quickly enough not to scorch myself, which I couldn't, and had a burning hot Krispy Kreme hitting my thighs and crotch and smearing friggin' liquid fire sugar all over my hoohah, and landing in the toilet.

At which point I stop peeing and screaming, and think, "Ten second rule."

I scrape all the sugar off, without any added hair removal benefits, and contemplate the morality of flushing a Krispy Kreme down the toilet, and decide to leave it over night, during the course of which it expands to the size of an angelfood cake. Which I have to confront this morning like a bunch of empty bottles. A big friggin' heartbreak hang over.

But hey, you can flush them.

Quote of the Day

"It wasn't bum sex. It was pretty half assed."

S.C.

Quote of the Day

"My hopes were raised and dashed in a matter of seconds. I have hope-lash"

-Dale, King of the Hill

pic

Wine o' the Week

Wine - Reserva 2001 Doura (Portugal)

Cost - approx. 15$
Availible at - Oliver Square Liquor Shop (they're really nice and very knowledgeable here)
They say it tastes like - Raspberries, plums, cinnamon, chocolate, sage, and..uh..asphalt.

What the average tongue can taste - Plums PLUMS and more plums, aftertaste of almonds..And no driveway..
Best Served in - A teacup
While Listening to - CocoRosie
Or Watching - BattleStar Gallactica
And Eating - Rice Crispies in soy milk with brown sugar.
Or Reading - Canadian Social Problems textbook
Label- Lots of Italics and a tiny chateau lithograph - ugly.
Cork - Broke! No neat design, no angels face - but hey, it wasn't a twist off, it wasn't plastic, and it didn't come in a can.

Overall - I liked it. A nice, smooth wine, not harsh (my number one dislike), but still packed a punch. I only got through a glass before all of Canada's Social problems appeared rectifiable with wine and rice crispys. A good bottle to share.

For My Curiosity..

Who is Bethesda is reading my blog?

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Like You Don't Know Enough About Me...

Ah.. Ian seems to think you need to know more about me. Check him out on his site.

Four jobs you've had in your life -
Waitress, Gap Employee, Canadian Embassy Security (oooo.. sounds better than it was)
Ice cream girl

Four movies you could watch over and over -
Amelie, Evolution, Chocolat, Breakfast at Tiffany's

Four Places you've lived -
England, India, Edmonton, Ottawa

Four TV shows you love to watch -
Law & Order, CSI, Anderson Cooper 36o, The Daily Show

Four places you've been on vacation -
Sri Lanka, Thailand, Burma, Saskatchewan

Four websites you visit daily -
NY Times Online, VegWeb, All Music Guide, and probably.. well.. Superpages. I don't have a phonebook.

Four of your favorite foods -
Beef Tataki, My goat cheese salad, my mom's ceasar salad, Krispy Kreme doughnuts. (which, they now have in Calgary, and Steph will smuggle for me. oooo.. Krispy Kreme)

Four places you'd rather be -
France, Burma, Vancouver, India

Four albums you can't live without -
Phrenology (The Roots), The Richest Man in Babylon (Thievery Corporation) Our Endless Numbered Days (Iron and Wine) Sarah Vaughn (Sarah Vaughn)

So exciting hey? There's gotta be better questions than THAT. ;-) Hmm.. Capt'n, you're it. Lets see what you REALLY have to say. *chuckle*

A Simple Pleasure

I find that when I read Anais Nin.. I think she might be in my brain. Everytime I pick up one of her books, it seems like she's in my brain, splashing around in my soul - and writing me a book. Every line I read seems written just for me. I'm reading "Under a Glass Bell" - this tiny, purse sized book of short stories (which, I suppose, doesn't mean much given the size of my purses) is beautiful and surreal, meandreing and odd - and perfect. It's a change of pace from "Delta of Venus" (definate change) but in a lovely way. It makes me wish I could paint her words all over.. bedsheets or something.

A Beauty of a Novel

Managed to read a book over Christmas break.. Yay! Finished Zadie Smiths' third novel, and in my opinion, best novel - "On Beauty". Perhaps the subject matter was just too close to my heart at the time, but I found it to be a sad and beautifully written novel. The charachters were so real, the dialogue was like listening to friends chatting. As always, it twisted at the end to make everything and everyone come together - and the last lines were so hopeful and sweet that I'll read the last chapter many times over. I'd recommend it to anyone - it's such a cliche, but I laughed, I cried.. and I'll read it again.

Questions and Answers

Q. I was random blogging and landed on your site...you seemed so happy with Bryan. You said it was your fault, but you sound like a nice person that I am curious to know what you could have done that was so bad.

A. Thank you! I am a nice person. *smile* I'm not sure how to answer your question.. or really, while I feel compelled to answer at all, considering I have no idea who you are, and how to answer it to afford everyone their privacy.

I am happy with Bryan - despite the fact that we no longer communicate, I still think of him, and love him, and miss him every moment of every day. I refuse to give up hope (or as our joke runs, 'ignorance') that we will one day be together again. I know that sounds creepy and strange, but if I were to say anything else, I'd be lying.

I did make a mistake, one that I'm not proud of, and frankly, will not disclose here. But, rest assured that in Bryan's eyes it was severe enough to leave our relationship - and as those break-up guru's say, no matter what you have in common, if one of you doesn't believe in being with the other - you're missing a really important part. That's something that I think I'm coming to terms with now. I want to be with Bryan, but if he doesn't want to be with me, whatever his reasons - then I have to accept that, and there really isn't anything I can do but hope that eventually, somehow, things will work out. Until then.. I just have to keep moving onwards and upwards, with my life, my heart, and my soul.

Africa's Primary Export...Isn't Jews

But appears to be sociology teachers. All three of my socio teachers (all different teachers) are from the southern part of the African continent. When pointing this out to a friend, she remarked how all of her history teachers happen to be Polish. I think a study should be done.

Went to "Munich" tonight with Ian, trying to take my mind off.. well, everything, and the fact that Bryan was supposed to be here today. It was amazing. Ian and I walked home in the lovely snow talking all about it. I wished I was Jewish. Except, you know, for the wandering part.

The movie recounts the kidnapping and execution of Isreali athletes at the 1976 Olympics, and the subsequent assasination of those who supposedly arranged it - by the Isreali government...ish. Among the bloodshed (none of which I found to be too gratuitious, minus one event involving a bomb and a ceiling fan) there were actually some interesting arguements made for the idea of "home" and belonging and such. It was quite entertaining, though a bit long - 2 1/2 hours. Enjoyed it thouroughly - and the Garneau has great peach drink. *smile*

Mazal ' tov.

Dream Date

For the past couple nights I've been meeting Bryan in my dreams. We sit, and talk, and laugh, sometimes we fix things, sometimes we don't. But I wake up feeling refreshed and a little better, having said all the things I want to say to him...even if he can't hear them. Some part of me hopes he's having these dreams too.

Laura and I ended up having the same Philosophy class together with Beach, my favourite teacher - so I see her 3 times a week now. We met up after classes in the afternoon and she took me out for Vietnamese food. We sat and talked forever..it was so nice. I forgot how nice it is to have friends - I'm so lucky that they don't forget me. She had things to say that only another woman would have the insight and bravery to say, and made me feel so much better. After, we went back to her house and watched Sideways and swapped music. She let me feel her baby kick..it was so fantastic! I can't believe that this little thing in her, that I've held in such an abstract context, in terms of BabyGap outfits and strollers.. actually reached out and touched me. I envy her, in so many ways.

Second day of classes - only Sociology today. No professor listed for this course - I'm hoping it's Boadu - he made my Sociology experience last term. Hope all is well with everyone. Talk soon.

ps -Listening to the news.. Scary results on "Who's voting for who". Those most likely to vote Fascist.. I mean... Conservative? The least educated, and old men with lots of money. Yeeps.

Not Stirup Pants, and a Thank-You

It's funny how we revert to those we know in crisis - those who know how we cry, who know what we eat (and don't!) when we're sad, who know what wine to buy and what exactly we shouldn't wear when our eyes are all puffy and our lips all chapped.

And strangely - that we reach out to others. Sabrina, a friend from my Poli Sci class this year, showed up at my door with flowers and tea and munchies and the ultimate break-up book and movie. She sat and drank tea with me until her obligation as a friend had long since vanished and she was firmly situated in my mind as another sister. Anyone who can withstand me "death row silence" as Ian says.. well.. they're pretty good friends by my count. She councelled me on the right time and place if and when the need should arise to get a break-up tattoo, what to do with my hair for a change, and I even managed to put on makeup and real pants for a bit. It was.. Nice. More than nice. Thanks Sabrina. You may have singlehandedly stopped the slide from redwine and chocolate to icecream and stirup pants.

Ian, who braved the airport to come and get me and my sad sobbing self (I'm sure the rest of the people waiting thought I had bird flu or something - despite the fact that in my despair I looked fairly ok and un-avian)... This is far from over, but thank you. For letting me lush about in man pjamas and drink, make addresses to the nation like I'm Churchill and cry and not eat and watch 24 odd hours of BattleStar Gallactica - you're a better friend than I deserve. That you can sit there and take it when I burst into tears with only one eye of mascara half on and still tell me I'm beautiful and worthy and smart... you are a better man than most I know. That your fantastic girlfriend Carlynn is so understanding and gives me hugs that compliment yours...you both make me smile, and give me hope.

Craig.. when you come in the middle of the night at the drop of the reciever to drive me about the city and talk about anything BUT my break-up. Well. I noticed that your hands get bigger and cover mine better the more my heart is broken. I know that I'm not the best friend to you, that I'm out of contact and out of the universe 9 times out of 10.. but for the times you drive into my universe at 12:30 in the morning to take me away.. I love you for it.

And there are those who tell you they too did the same thing, they too heard the same words from somebody they loved.. and how much they understand what you're saying and feeling. And of course, it came from a friend I should never have expected anything less from. When will women learn to talk to eatch other, to understand that we all have that same experiences and same fears and same irrational actions... Well, I suppose that will happen when we start listening to our parents. You know who you are friend... And I'll love you forever.

I'm doing ok - I will be doing ok, and I still cry in the shower. I'm sad.. but I'm standing, and I'm learning. And really.. what more can you really ask for?

Hmm.. I'm a Little TOO Good at This...

So I'm actually really good at being like, break-up girl. I've already become really accustomed to not eating, not wearing real pants and watching a hell of a lot of mid-day sci-fi. Thank god school starts next week, or I'd be past the not eating and into the ice cream. Yeeps I tell you.

Went to see Pharoahs for their amazing "Popeye" pizza then on to "Capote" at the Garneau the other night. My advice? Eat the pizza, skip the movie. I wasn't ever (and maybe I'm just oblivious) under the impression that Truman Capote was EVER really flaming gay - given the content of Breakfast at Tiffany's I really wasn't too sure - but this movie removed a lot of doubt in my mind. My qualms lay in his voice. Now I'm sure there are recordings of his voice, and Philip Seymour Hoffman must have done a great job of interpreting them.. because other wise I have NO idea why on earth he would have used such a nasal, incomprehensible voice. It was torture. To tell the truth - I fell asleep on Ian's shoulder (and he on my head) for about 15 minutes. The Oscar buzz.. I'm frightened.

Sad News Sad Days

Some sad news, Bryan and I have gone our seperate ways. The holiday was amazing, though ending abruptly. I wish I could say it wasn't my fault (because isn't that so much easier?) but I can't. But it doesn't hurt any less.. how is that fair?

Atlanta was FANTASTIC. The Sugarbowl was really neat - I've never seen anything quite like it. And they (they being Americans...) ACTUALLY 'tailgate'. Like, barbeque out the back of their trucks and drink beer and .. it's insanity. I thought it was something that was just in the movies.. not anything real! *laugh* We were there with Bryan's friends, Tony and Jaye, and Kristy and Ken - and had a blast. We really did - I hate that in ending a relationship you also give up all the friends that go with them.

So I'm back in Edmonton. Ian's been taking care of me - he's grown accustomed to me standing in the middle of a room crying - and I'll be back in the dorm in a bit. Talk to you all soon.