Honk If You Love India

So we have this new driver, Louise. Not like "Lewis and Clarke", but Louise, with a French accent. Even though he's decidedly Indian. Which is fine, in fact, I like calling him Louise, and he appreciates that I'm the only one that doesn't call him Lewis. He appreciates it so much that every time I get in the car, he regales me in his broken English about how he was in Sri Lanka when the tsunami hit and they laid all the dead people out and the dogs ate them. Right. That will teach me for showing any interest when he first told me. At least his English is improving, albeit only when he tells this story.

Unfortunately, his lack of English in any area except for horrific stories will be his downfall, because ultimately we need a driver that understands when we say "Pull up the car", he doesn't look confused and honk the horn. That, and within the first week he'd already busted the trunk. He slams it so hard that your stomach jumps. I know this is awful.. but he does this thing where he jumps out of the car to open your door.. which I really hate, it makes me feel.. weird and uppity, so I always kind of dodge him and race to a different car door and jump in and close it. I'm sure he thinks I'm mentally challenged, the girl who plays evade the driver and likes to hear tsunami stories. (Which I don't, I swear, but it was the first time he spoke to me, so I tried to be interested.)

So he breaks the car, and has to take it to the Embassy car repair shop. Which he didn't understand, so my mom had to literally lead the way, walking in front of the car, to get him there. And now, the car doesn't start and the horn doesn't work. That's right, we took the car in to get the trunk fixed, and now it doesn't start and the horn doesn't work. If anyone can provide an explanation (other than the mechanic not knowing his trunk from a hole in the ground.. har har har..), it would be more than appreciated. Last I checked Toyotas don't have any connection between their trunks, horns and engines.. but hey, I might be mistaken.

One more thing. This is equal as horrible as having to play evade the driver in the list of reasons to get another new driver.. He looks like a cross between Eddie Murphy dressed up as the dad in "The Nutty Professor" and a Hobbit from "Lord of the Rings". He has all this hair growing out of his ears. Straight out. At a right angle. And a shiny head that makes it look like a bald cap. And I swear. He looks exactly like Eddie Murphy. But Indian.

I don't think Louise is going to be around for too long. Or else we might light a match under his ear hair.