It's funny how we revert to those we know in crisis - those who know how we cry, who know what we eat (and don't!) when we're sad, who know what wine to buy and what exactly we shouldn't wear when our eyes are all puffy and our lips all chapped.
And strangely - that we reach out to others. Sabrina, a friend from my Poli Sci class this year, showed up at my door with flowers and tea and munchies and the ultimate break-up book and movie. She sat and drank tea with me until her obligation as a friend had long since vanished and she was firmly situated in my mind as another sister. Anyone who can withstand me "death row silence" as Ian says.. well.. they're pretty good friends by my count. She councelled me on the right time and place if and when the need should arise to get a break-up tattoo, what to do with my hair for a change, and I even managed to put on makeup and real pants for a bit. It was.. Nice. More than nice. Thanks Sabrina. You may have singlehandedly stopped the slide from redwine and chocolate to icecream and stirup pants.
Ian, who braved the airport to come and get me and my sad sobbing self (I'm sure the rest of the people waiting thought I had bird flu or something - despite the fact that in my despair I looked fairly ok and un-avian)... This is far from over, but thank you. For letting me lush about in man pjamas and drink, make addresses to the nation like I'm Churchill and cry and not eat and watch 24 odd hours of BattleStar Gallactica - you're a better friend than I deserve. That you can sit there and take it when I burst into tears with only one eye of mascara half on and still tell me I'm beautiful and worthy and smart... you are a better man than most I know. That your fantastic girlfriend Carlynn is so understanding and gives me hugs that compliment yours...you both make me smile, and give me hope.
Craig.. when you come in the middle of the night at the drop of the reciever to drive me about the city and talk about anything BUT my break-up. Well. I noticed that your hands get bigger and cover mine better the more my heart is broken. I know that I'm not the best friend to you, that I'm out of contact and out of the universe 9 times out of 10.. but for the times you drive into my universe at 12:30 in the morning to take me away.. I love you for it.
And there are those who tell you they too did the same thing, they too heard the same words from somebody they loved.. and how much they understand what you're saying and feeling. And of course, it came from a friend I should never have expected anything less from. When will women learn to talk to eatch other, to understand that we all have that same experiences and same fears and same irrational actions... Well, I suppose that will happen when we start listening to our parents. You know who you are friend... And I'll love you forever.
I'm doing ok - I will be doing ok, and I still cry in the shower. I'm sad.. but I'm standing, and I'm learning. And really.. what more can you really ask for?
No comments:
Post a Comment