Am I So Foolish?

Saddam Hussein was executed last night. And I stood in front of my mirror as I brushed my teeth when the news was shouted from the TV room and I said a prayer.

It is so wrong, to see whats happening in the news. To see newscasters smirking, celebrating. They did a mock-up of the execution on CNN, they had a newswoman holding a noose over a dummy asking for details as to what vertabrae were going to be broken, how would the windpipe be crushed, how long would it really take, how much pain would he really feel? That they are showing on the news a disoriented and frightened Saddam being led to the gallows.

I understand the justice, I do not like, but understand the politics. I understand that he killed hundreds. I understand that he is still a man, he was still afraid, he still deserved the justice and respect for being solely a human being that he may have not shown his victims.

It makes me sick.

Artful Watchers.

Me in front of Alan Michelson's TwoRow II, Mikaela in front of Frank Stella's piece and.. ok, me in front of one that I didn't get the name of! (har har)

Hypnotizing.

Michelson's TwoRow II

Just Me.

photo that my sister Mikaela took of me. I'm happy, because I'm with her.

We Got Some Tail...

Went with my brother and sister down to the Beavertail Hut today in Byward market - proposed a brilliant plan - Installing one next to a neighborhood bar with the slogan "Didn't Get Any Tail? Get some here for 3.50$!". We're gonna make my momma proud. Oh. So. Proud.

Passionfruit Souffles and My Sisters Desk

Sweet, and engaging. Both.

Yay for the Holidays...

When I get focused on something, I tend to.. zone out. I really get pretty space cadetish. I don't shower, I just layer on the clothing and jewellery I find in a pile, I (regretably) tend to suck my thumb a little, I don't do my hair or my make-up, I drink a lot of tea (often scalding my tongue cause I'm a loser), don't put on deodorant, and most often wear shoes in the house.

Which is the explanation I gave my sister as to why I've been sitting at the computer in her room since about 8 this morning in boxer shorts with cupcakes on them, a white t-shirt, no bra, a grey cardigan, pearls, riding boots with no socks and a wet thumb.

Reading gossip. I'm a sick, sick lady.

Spelling and Grammer Mistakes Make Me Sic.

LaLohan manages to amaze us all again with a vague Howard Hughes analogy..

(ps- I promise, swear, that Poshlust Inc. with not become a gossip/anorexic/slightly retarded but pretty shadow of it's former self. I have just been reading Gawker/Go Fug Yourself and Superficial.com all vacation, (And am 5 pounds lighter, FYI.) and sometimes, I just have to pass along the good stuff)

And on that note.. can we PLEASE invite former Ms. Nevada to our next luncheon? (and god, Ian, don't look at these pictures at work! Ok.. anyone. Not just Ian.)

No Holds Barred December!!

Holy sweet cracker sandwhiches.. CNN is just churning them out, December has been wild and crazy. John Bolton has retired, James Brown is lying.. in (a) state (of perpetual funk) at the Apollo Theatre, Gerald Ford has died, "Fergalicious" was named one of the best songs of 2006, and it was discovered that if you have heartburn, chances are you're going to break a hip too.. It's non-stop.

Smile Ladies!

Is This Because We're Military?

But this is a pretty awesome way to track Santa. And exactly what NORAD was intended for. *smile* Merry Christmas!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Merry Christmas to everyone - I hope that the day brings you the love, laughter and warmth you deserve. You are all in my heart.

The Creatures Were Stirring... - Christmas Eve With My Sister

One Teeny un-Seasonable Rant.

Perhaps it's just the adds for all the Christmas things, perhaps it's the era we live in, perhaps it's the affluent neighborhood. But it seems like lately.. my god, what do we do for ourselves? I touched on this earlier, but it just seems to be so.. rampant? Rampant and unrefined, uncouth, rude.

I was in the Rideau Center. At Sears, you can actually go in and get a holiday "Elf" to do your shopping list for you. And you just purchase. They choose, wrap, bag.. and you pay. There is a commercial for a teddy bear - it actually reads to your children! You put batteries in it, and voila - you set it with your child and it reads away, does the hand motions, the voice fluctuations, teaches your child to follow along.

We have people to walk our dogs. Babysit our children. Clean our houses. Marx had it right - we got wealthier and wealthier, then women started to work, then we worked enough to hire people to do the jobs that we used to do - walk our dogs, babysit our children, clean our houses.. What do we really do anymore? How is it possible that I'm the only one in my cohort of 20 co-workers that cooks? Or bakes? Or knits? Or knows how to remove stains, to change a tire, to properly set a table?

Alex and I discussed the fact that we wish, just wish, that being ladylike would come back. The thank-you notes, hats, gloves, somebody other than the militia calling me ma'am. That people said excuse me, baked goods, brought hostess gifts. That boys opened doors, brought flowers, called on time.

It's all dissolving the same way. I wonder, the people we get to do all these things - shop for us, walk our dogs, take care of our children - are they proper? Have we de-evolved? To be so middle class and upper crass? Do they send thank you notes? Or do they hire somebody to do that too?

For Your Holiday Shopping Pleasure

Oh Wal-Mart.

This is how I look when wrapping beer. Or trying to stuff a bundt cake dipped in vaseline into a squid. Same same.

Tinselitis.

Wow. I was just about to post a picture of Alex and I having a cappucino at Nicastros when I realised that all I have posted this week contains the words "shopping, drinking, laughing, eating". Yikes. Because that's really all I have done this week - eat, drink, sleep, laugh, and shop. I mean, that's not a really terrible thing, I've been reading Foucault (which my mother deemed definately not Christmasy with a tsk tsk), taking photos of friends and family, catching up with friends...shopping, drinking, laughing.. eating. Oh god. But the funny thing is, I'm not getting fat, because the things in my mothers fridge are far better for you than the things in mine. (antipasta vs. pudding anyone?). I do think, that with daily doses of various films (I actually watched Talledega Nights, the Ballad of Ricky Bobby...) that my brain may actually be turning to pudding. Every little bitty bit of knowledge is slowly leaking out onto the futon and being blown away, sparkles and all, out onto Cartier and absorbed in the canal. Perhaps thats why I feel the great need to read The Birth of the Prison - to ground myself. Lest I slip up and start eating receipts and attempting to drink perfume at the mall.

Ladies Who Lunch

I just got home from a two and a half hour lunch with my oldest, most precious friend Francesca. We shopped for a tiny bit at Nicastros, buying little bitty Italian things - blackcurrent mustard, strawberry and cheese perogies, little cakes for Christmas morning, before eating and eating and laughing, drinking wine and talking. It was so wonderfully memorable.. you know that feeling, of creating a memory? I'll know forever that we both had duck confit salad, and shared pasta, and laughed over our ridiculous waiter, talked like old ladies, laughed until we almost cried pretending to be jewish.. She is so beautiful, and funny! I love who she's become.. we figured out today that it's been at least 15 years since we both lived in the same place, and almost as many since we've seen each other. But despite that, the years, the life time.. we know that we'll always be the best of friends.. We'll always laugh, give each other advice, love, and a shoulder. And eat duck while pretending to be Jewish Grandmas.

Where do YOU holiday?

Our beautiful home.. I love it. Tall, skinny, old and stunning. It's like a big hug from a posh n' classy relative who drinks too much. *sigh* Home.

Ok, Isn't This a MOM?

This is an add in the Sunday NYT. It goes on for a long time, so I only put the interesting parts in it. But really.. we have dolls that read to our children, we have people to do our shopping for us, (at Sears, they're calling them ELVES...), we have daycare and nannies.. What exactly do we DO anymore? Well, according to the ad below, not get married and have a wife raise our children. We HIRE one!

---------------------

A managing partner of a rapidly expanding $4 billion hedge fund (a multi-strategy credit opportunity fund that specializes in credit analysis and credit-related investments) located in Southern Fairfield County, CT is seeking an extremely organized, time efficient Personal Assistant/Executive Assistant who can take charge of the day-to-day functioning of the family and home office.In addition to thriving in a business setting, the Personal Assistant must also enjoy working with children. You would work in the hedge fund office and also in the Managing Partner's home--both located in Southern Fairfield County, CT. Overall, the Managing Partner is seeking someone who feels intense ownership of the people she is supporting--and views herself as a professional who eagerly goes the extra mile.
Children Responsibilities
* Sign children up for extracurricular activities

* Maintain children's activity calendar in Excel (Fall/Winter/Spring/Summer)

* Assist with car rides for the children

* Schedule medical appointments for the children

* On occasion - run errands pertaining to the children

* Book storeo Pharmacy

*Clothing Stores

*Party Supply Stores

* Organize and execute Birthday Parties for the childreno

*Develop theme

*Order the cake (make sure it is peanut/nut free)

*Determine food options (make sure completely peanut/nut free)

*Decorateo Actively participate during the party

* Work one on one with Recruiters to hire nannies, tutors and instructorso

*Fill out paperwork

*Conduct first round interviewo

*Keep a binder (of all resumes viewed)

*Determine if the family should meet with the candidate

What a Card.

Seriously, priceless. The description? "Tired of arguing with complete morons? Tired of getting into bar room brawls? Well now avoid the confrontation with our glorious Douche Card. Simply hand it to the asshole in question and walk away. Problem solved." So go on.

Sick Puppy

I swore, up and down, laughingly and seriously - that I would never, ever ever dress up my dog. Until I found this really cute little puppy polo. I told myself that I would buy it just to make my dad freak out when he had to take her for a walk in it. (Freak out? What am I? 13?) But really, I just wanted to put my little doggie in a pink polo. So Maggie, in all her glory, was THRILLED, and ran around wagging her tail and yipping and jumping she was so happy. (Well, or mortified.) Yay. I am one of those people. I will now purchase a small puppy for my purse and begin riding horses for fun, and drink half-fat no whip extra water vanilla lattes double cupped.

I'll Buy HER. Framed?

My sister and I spent the afternoon wandering around Byward Market.. coffee and shopping and laughing. She's so much older now, so much smarter and funnier, I love her! We bought and found so many Christmas presents, found fabulous sneakers, t-shirts, squid pasta, wine, strawberry beer, blueberry perogies, olives, coffee, books.. it was so so very pleasent. She makes me laugh, and makes me hopeful.

Goofing Off In the Super-Superstore.

Really, which one of us do YOU think is older? And wiser.. and taller.. goddamn.

My Mom Is So Beautiful That Sunshine Comes Out Her Ear

Mum and I went out for the afternoon together yesterday. She came home early from work to take me to lunch and shop and whatnot. You forget, or you never know, just how human your parents are. That they trip (literally) that they have likes and dislikes, that they get hungry, that they cry. Sometimes it's so hard to be there, knowing that they are just as human as you are - and sometimes, it's the nicest thing in the world. To know that if that stupid CNN presents show makes you AND her cry - that you're not weird. (Or as weird). We had such a blast shopping and laughing and eating and drinking at Stella. My mum is actually pretty cool. Which is pretty scary in its own right. But now.. she's just the same cool as everyone else. Not superhero cool.. But just.. my mum. And cool. And that's almost better.

Relaxing.

Went out with Francesca and Carol today shopping on Bank in the Glebe.. so lovely. Spent the day eating and drinking our way between shopping for kitchen supplies and purses and jewellery. It was so...nice. And relaxing. To talk to friends, to have somebody who knows you so well - from diapers and tears and scraped knees to broken hearts and depression - to hold your hand, to hold your heart.. and to relax. To let somebody else, for once, pour the wine and listen. It was.. peaceful.

Hats Off To Being Home!

Spent the day with old friends and family, my other family. It was so wonderful to sit around a table with 10 people you love so much, to see our family grow older and wiser and more beautiful, to bring fiancees and love and laughter to the table. We drank champagne and Kir and wine and ate and laughed and made so merry that our tummies hurt. Took off after to let the men do the dishes and antique shop for watches and hats and gloves and scarves. It is so good to be home.

This is How Happy I Am That Exams Are OVER!

Two More

Only two. French and Symbolic Logic. Two. 8 hours. Only 8 hours. Two tests. Then.. I'm done..

Guest Blogger... Ta da!

I've always wanted to be the 'special guest' on a nationally syndicated talk show, or a call-in radio show, or an after school special where Wheels gets into a drunk driving accident which cripples and blinds Lucy and kills a kid (that would be appearing as a 'very special guest', however). While some might think it better to be the host of said shows, I think it's better to be SO famous or infamous even!) that they want me as a guest. Unfortunately, I'm neither famous nor infamous yet), but Andrea's been so busy with school and exams that she really hasn't the opportunity to post anything of real substance lately, so she kindly begged me to post something. When she asked me two months ago, I said, "Sure!". Then, when she asked me a month ago, I agreed, "Sounds cool, you bet!". Finally, as she was babbling something about agonistas and broca's hole, some dim flickering light must have gone off in her head and she remembered her earlier requests - but this time I actually made a promise, so I'll make better use of my work time today than trolling for funny videos of people doing stupid things to harass her with (seriously, in an eight hour work day, there are days where I may only do about 10 minutes of actual work - I call it creative time expensing).

I can definitely vouch for Andrea when she says she's too busy to keep up-to-date with everyone - I don't think I've ever seen her take school and exams this seriously, and attack her studies with this much…gusto. I honestly think she's studied more in the span of a week then I did in 6 years of University (I took the scenic route - the one with lots of sex, drugs and rock n' roll - not texts, caffeine pills and the history of modern music). Unfortunately, I think all this hard work, while proving successful (I'm going to start calling her Ace for acing all her exams and papers), is ultimately going to be the cause of her downfall as a charming, witty, and socially and politically aware woman. You see, I've noticed a change in her, and maybe you've noticed it too. I like to call this change 'nerdification' - it reminds me of a sort of reverse gentrification. The once sophisticated, well off brain cells are being replaced via this educational renovation by the minority "nerd cells", more commonly associated with poor hygiene and a love of drawn out philosophical discussions about caves and Plato and why income has an inverse relationship with domestic abuse, but only up to $15000 a year. Luckily, she doesn't yet suffer from poor hygiene (well, of herself anyway - her apartment sometimes looks like a first year frat student's dorm room - which, from personal experience, is not a pretty picture), but I see the other changes happening, slowly but surely.

And I absolutely love it.

What's not to love about someone who wears pigtails for the first time I've ever seen, because she believes that if you look stupid, then surely you can't be stupid? (On a side note, I'm not exactly sure where Andrea gets these ideas - I doubt it's from her mom, who, from what I can tell, usually has better advice to give.) She failed to look stupid, by the way - she just looked cuter than usual. Where once I might have bored her to tears with talk of Venn diagrams, now it's her boring me to tears with the same thing (just kidding A., you know I'll always be the bigger nerd)! In any case, it's great to see her putting so much of herself into her schoolwork - I'm so proud *sniff*.

It's nice that even despite going a little crazy studying (seriously, she scares me sometimes when she laughs maniacally with this murderous gleam in her eyes), she still makes time for her friends. Between helping me with my Christmas shopping, chatting in the wee hours of the evening, and making us laugh like drunken idiots because we had MSG for dinner, she's helped to keep me sane in a time of year when I'm normally in a seasonal funk, questioning my path in life and failing to act on my overreaching ambitions. She's a great friend and a wonderful girl, even if she is becoming a smelly nerd. I'm sure all her friends would say the same thing. Not that she's a smelly nerd - I mean, that's the Andrea that her dorm-mates have always known, so it's nothing new for them. *ba-doom ching*

Merry Christmas Andrea, and I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your family and friends out east! Bring me back something nice - preferably that scarf you'll knit that says, "I am a scarf". Happy Christmakahwanza to all of you readers, too! Have a happy Festivus. Now, back to surfing Digg and Fark to find videos of soldiers in Afghanistan filming the locals in night vision having, erm, 'relations' with the livestock. Seriously, look it up, it's hilarious and not graphic at all.

Oh, and P.S., post more pictures of yourself - I like to cut them out, put them in my wallet, then tell strangers you're my girlfriend from Seattle.

Gasp.

It may be the fact that I went to bed at 10pm last night and didn't sleep till one. It may be the fact that in the past 3 days I have had 7 venti black coffees and two grande gingerbread lattes. It may be that I am naturally a fusspot freakout. But I just wrong my first of the last 4 exams. And sitting their, in criminology, drinking my coffee and pondering the overrepresentation of aboriginals in our criminal justice system; I realised that after next semester.. I am halfway through my bachelor. Now, I realise to my cohort out there that is nominal, seeing that I started behind you and will finish as such.. But I almost started hyperventilating. I have been home from India for two years. I've done two years of school. I'm single. I have a whole ham sitting in my fridge, which as a young single woman was the stupidest thing I ever endeavored to cook for myself and now am thinking of going door to door with it. I am wearing clean clothes for the first time in two weeks, and only because I found a backpack in my spareroom that had clothes from up north in it. And I just wrote the first of the last four exams. And I have 120 multiple guess questions of psych to get through before I can go home and cry into my pillow. Breathe.. breathe.. breath...

This is Not a Politically Correct Button. (But it's a great conversation starter..)

I Heart Polonium 210!

Just How Cool Is Isabella Blow?

So fucking cool.

Feel Rich

I made myself toast and eggs and fried ham for breakfast. I felt so.. luxurious, in my sweats and t-shirt, watching CNN. *sigh* There are some things, like that, that make me feel rich despite the obvious opposite nature of that statement. Like apples and almond butter. Or clean sheets, or white button up shirts. Or a pen that works really well.
Please God let me marry a rich man.

Seriously, This Was NOT an Option on Career Day.

Dita Von Teese.. We love you.

Nominal-itis

All the things you really don't care about, but sorta need to know...

Phoebe Philo, of Stella McCartney/Chloe fame is rumoured to be collaborating with the The Gap on their summer collection..
Dakota Fanning is the star of Marc Jacobs new ad campaign. Tell me, what makes me want to look like a 7 year old? I mean. Other than Marc Jacobs.
Eve Arnold releases previously unseen portraits of Marilyn Monroe. Seriously, what a looker.
Sophia Coppola gave birth to a daughter named Romy. a) she was pregnant? b) Nep...o.. tism... spell it Romy!

Rocking Out With The Playboys...

I thought I could just leave this post with just pictures, but everytime I read the title I kept looking for girls with bunny tails. *shrug*
Ian and I went out (surprise!) to see the Cassanova Playboys at The Velvet Underground - so much fun. Funnier still that the opening bad, this strange goth rock band called "The Cockatoos" played for about an hour.. and the CP's played for.. half an hour? Lord. Given that I watched each of them drink at least three triple C&C prior to the show, I can't imagine they had much in them to offer. *sigh* I really hate it when bands live large.. and they're so small.

Stella's Exam Crazy Playlist for Studying and Pulling Her Pigtails

1. Lily Allen - Not Big
2. Show Me - Mint Royale
3. Sheena is a Parasite - The Horrors
4. Stronger than Me - Amy Winehouse
5. Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is - Jet
6. No Heaven - DJ Champion
7. Burlesque - Casanova Playboys
8. Tokyo Police Club - Cheer It On
9. How I've Been - OKGO
10. Who Knows - Marion Black
11. Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen
12. Hola Hovito - Jay-Z
13. Life Like Weeds - Modest Mouse

Lusticon #4

Merked (v.) - Drawn from my sisters lingo, and subsequently looked up on Urban Dictionary ('cause that 7 year gap sometimes is a bigger leap than I think). The total and undeniable beatdown of a person via trashtalk. Synonyms - Burn, faced, owned. Sample Usage: "Damn, you got merked."

Examitis (n.) - A group of symptoms, not limited to, but definately including - stress zits, stiff pen fingers. Usually attempted to be cured via caffeine, the only real cure so far proving to be Jaegermeister. Sample Usage: "That night out drinking Jaeger really cleared up my examitis, but I have a feeling it will flare up again around finals."

cocainesahulluvadrugasaurus (n, sci.) - The species of celebrities that will, with cockroaches and twinkies, survive the nuclear holocaust, as they have already survived the ice age. Ex - Tom Waits, Keith Richards, Gary Busey.

Vaguyna (n.) - the vestigal organ wherein male sympathy is kept, more developed in ladyboys. (see further definition of Ladyboy in Amy Winehouses' song "Stronger than Me") Increases crying at AT&T commercials, sympathy cramps and dislike of women prettier than you. Sample usage: "Are you seriously crying because I forgot to call you? Is your vaguyna acting up?"

Cabistan (n.geog.) - The vague country wherein most cab drivers orginate, usually ending in -stan, (see: Kurdistan, Pakistan.. ) When in doubt of origin, cabistan may be used. Sample Usage: "My cab driver is from Cabistan, and unfortunately, I don't speak Cabistani"

One Down.

So.. that essay? Yeah, I'm going to do a little shameless self promotion here. Which is probably bad exam Karma or SOMETHING.. but I slaved away at that thing.. and I got a 93% !! My proffessor (and this is what put it over the top) asked me if I was indeed a phil student, because if I wasn't.. I should be. And that he rarely gets anything of that caliber from 4th year students, and to save it to use later..WHEN I DO MY MASTERS!! YAY! So it paid off. The fact that I have dime sized bald patches, that I chewed my lips to blood, that I completely and permanently threw off my circadian rythms, that I ate nothing but salad.. IT PAID OFF! Now I know what I have to do next term..

On a lighter note, I wrote my phil final yesterday, and I knew it.. like.. cold. (I assure you, I do not use terms like "like" or, painfully enough "omg" in my papers. Which, sadly, I have witnessed and edited.) So that's one down. The only other one that I'm worried about is my logic exam.. *Sigh* Which I will pass, if and only if, therefore and are, or is a necessary condition to passing.. that I become a super genius overnight. Or at least before next Friday.

THEN.. dear readers.. I am going home. Yes, home. In the past year and a half, I have spent no more than 10 days in the company of my entire family (please lord let me recognize them) - so I am returning to the familial homestead (right now a rented brownstone in Ottawa) to rejoice in the Christmas season. To skate on the Rideau Canal, to visit galleries and eat beaver tails, and essential mooch shamelessly off my family as much expensive fruit as I can. And Christmas! CHRISTMAS!

*sigh* Happiness. Or as near as I can get with 4 exams and Secret Santa looming. Lord.

The Ultimate Poshlust Christmas Cookies

Of course, credit goes to my mother for these cookies.. which I've been using indiscriminately as VERY effective bribes the past little while.

Cranberry Hazelnut Cookies

1 cup cranberries - fresh or frozen

1 cup butter

1 cup brown sugar - packed

1 egg

1 Tbsp. water

2 cups white flour

1/2 tsp. baking soda

Pinch salt

1 cup ground hazelnuts

1 cup shredded coconut

Coarsely chop cranberries and set aside. In large bowl. cream together butter and sugar; beat in egg and water. Sift or stir together flour, baking soda and salt; stir into creamed mixture. Add hazelnuts, coconut and cranberries; mix well.

Form into 1 inch balls and place, about 2 inches apart. on lightly greased baking sheets. Flatten balls with tines of fork or bottom of glass. Bake in 350 oven for 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown.

Bits and Bobs..

Because the Ones We Took Were Funnier..

Because a PNEUMATIC Device is a Drill... Lalalala...

Parmenides-Permanence, won’t let me fall to the void
Heraclitus – Ever changing, lit with common fire of logos, relativism passes, but same law for the masses
Xenophanes – One is his name, thought it absurd that gods were the same
Animaxander – to the max in the air, like Darwin later
Anaxagorous – strange letters like carrots in my blood, believed in permanence like Parmenides does…
Thales – could have been a Jew, be careful what you do, or you’ll drown in the seas that cause earthquakes
Empedocles –imperishable elements with love and strife, of the belief that blood made life
Leucippus and Democritus – loosely demonstrated Parmenides views, but necessitates that nature chooses what to do, rational necessity
Zeno – Though Z is at the end, we’ll never catch up to him, because when were are where he was, he’ll be somewhere again..

Breaking Blog Silence... With a fart?

So I've been 100% nuts, and busy... and well...ok, just too busy carbo-loading like a Nigerian marathon runner to post. But really nuts - I'm literally losing my mind, somewhere between Plato's theory of justice and his idea of the happy life, both of which I'm no closer to attaining than I am to being in the Broadway production of "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas"... though perhaps I have a suitable tinge of green due to increased junk food consumption and nerves.

But on that note.. I am indeed posting today to give some righteous "props" as the kids say, to my dear friend Trent and his troop of.. ahem.. well, troops is a nice word, who received an all too fabulous review in the papers about their comedy show. It's starting tonight, Planet Ze, all the info is in the article that I am posting, IN FULL, below, because that's just what kind of gal I am. I can only speak from my experiences with Trent on various wine filled friday nights, which would probably have sketch comedy labels like "The Vagina Song", "Trivial Poopsuit" and "Is that Hugh Hefner or Kurt Vonnegut in a ratty bathrobe?". He's hilarious. 'Nuff said.

Oh, and if you're terribly lucky, I'll be guest/volunteer bartending for Trent a couple evenings, in a suitably tip inducing outfit. I mean, if you're not into comedy, there's at least me in heels. Which is comedic itself in a sad, sad way.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Christmas Comedy Gets a Little Sketchy
David Berry, Vue Weekly

In just over a year of being together, Mostly Water Theatre has already figured out The Science of Funny and told everyone How To Not Suck.

One would expect, then, that the foursome—Sam Varteniuk (the smart one), Matt Stanton (the angry one), Craig Buchert (the idiot) and Trent Wilkie (the other idiot)—has a pretty good idea of who they are and just how funny they can be.

“I like to think we’re the type of guys who could perform for the Prime Minister and get away with swearing,” says Varteniuk, peering through oval-shaped glasses, mouth locked in a permanent dry, half-droop. “We are a bit vulgar, but I like to think that it’s kind of laced with intellect—or maybe it’s intellect laced with vulgarity. Basically, we like to have someone poop in a bucket, but we like it to be Freudian.”

The group’s Freudian shit jokes have evidently caught on. After forming just over a year ago to do a Christmas show—which means that this year’s edition, XXXMas 2: Falalalala-lala-luck Off, functions as both Christmas revelry and one-year anniversary—Mostly Water has been gaining steam ever since. Science of Funny debuted at Nextfest to high praise, but it was their Fringe show, How to Not Suck, that really earned them their crude, hilarious stripes, their stage-and-film show earning them comparisons to sketchcom legends like SCTV and Kids in the Hall.

Though they obviously don’t mind the big comparisons—really, who would, I suppose—for them sketch comedy boils down to something a bit simpler: flat-out fun.

“It’s instant gratification,” Wilkie animatedly explains. “I look at it like we’re kind of a band, and we write songs, though we don’t really play them again and again. But there’s a different feel to each skit, you were in different moods when you wrote them, and they’re just kind of up there and out.”

“Plus, there’s a maturity attached to writing a full-length play that I don’t think I’ve achieved,” Varteniuk adds. “It’s knowing you have something to say, or a story to tell. I have more smartass comments, I think.”

If smartass comments are what work, though, there’s no sense buttering your bread with provocative drama. Future maturity that may lead to more long-form, intricate drama notwithstanding, for now the group just feels lucky that Edmonton audiences have responded to their particular brand of humour.

“One reviewer described us as ‘a night out with four of your funniest friends,’” Varteniuk explains. “I think that’s one of the best responses we’ve gotten or could hope to get.” V

Dec 7 - 9 &14 - 16 (8 pm)
XXXMas 2: Falalalala-lala-luck off
Directed by David DeGagne
Written & performed by Craig Buchert, Matt Stanton, Sam Varteniuk, Trent Wilkie
Planet Ze Design Centre (10055 - 80 Avenue), $12 - $15

Back to the books, miss you all!

Hey Ma, We're On the Bar Website!

But at least the lighting was good.. Sabine, Holly and I busting a move at Union Hall last night. Well, we're bustin' something.