2:19am

I can't sleep.. I took in 6 paintings to the gallery today, and now there are these strange empty places on my walls. The big one that usually hangs in the kitchen has had its place taken by the framed Holgate print that my sister gave me, and it makes it look so grown up in there.. coupled with the lone, covetted bottle of wine I have left and the bottle of Captain Morgans and the bright purple beta that isn't mine.. and really, I'm not sure whom he belongs to.. Makes it looks strange, and not like my kitchen. I washed my sheets and not even that is helping, and it usually makes me fall asleep right away. I painted my nails this god-awful pink orange tropical 40 year old woman color and its making my hands feel heavy so I've been chewing it off, and now all I can smell is acetone and glaze. Ian put me on the family cellphone plan and now I have a cellphone and I feel like there are all these strange intrusive points of contact into my home and brain now.. the tv, the radio, the phone, the cell phone, the computer.. I'm sure that makes me sound crazy. Maybe I've just been home too long today, in my own company. Do you ever just feel so.. so.. tired. I mean, I'm sure its the mono, and thats why I can't get up and have the sniffles today (I cried in the greeting card isle and the lady at the card store looked at me and said in such sincerity "how wonderful!"). I have this overwhelming feeling today that my house will never be in order.. I feel like I am never put together, never matching, my hair is always falling down and my mascara is always smeared, my shoes are always scuffed, I'm always late and every important piece of paper is always wrinkled. I just feel so.. un-collected? Is it just me, or is everyone else better put together than me? Everyone ALWAYS has lipchap, or kleenex, or a quarter.. Am I doomed to forever paint my nails the worst shade of pink and have a hole in my shirt? Is there a knack that you just have to have? Or will books always be stacked in corners and will I always have a junk drawer that extends to an entire ROOM? *sigh* Maybe that's why I'm awake. I have such a messy spare bedroom. If that isn't a mental metaphor.. well, I don't know what is.