Gasp.

It may be the fact that I went to bed at 10pm last night and didn't sleep till one. It may be the fact that in the past 3 days I have had 7 venti black coffees and two grande gingerbread lattes. It may be that I am naturally a fusspot freakout. But I just wrong my first of the last 4 exams. And sitting their, in criminology, drinking my coffee and pondering the overrepresentation of aboriginals in our criminal justice system; I realised that after next semester.. I am halfway through my bachelor. Now, I realise to my cohort out there that is nominal, seeing that I started behind you and will finish as such.. But I almost started hyperventilating. I have been home from India for two years. I've done two years of school. I'm single. I have a whole ham sitting in my fridge, which as a young single woman was the stupidest thing I ever endeavored to cook for myself and now am thinking of going door to door with it. I am wearing clean clothes for the first time in two weeks, and only because I found a backpack in my spareroom that had clothes from up north in it. And I just wrote the first of the last four exams. And I have 120 multiple guess questions of psych to get through before I can go home and cry into my pillow. Breathe.. breathe.. breath...

This is Not a Politically Correct Button. (But it's a great conversation starter..)

I Heart Polonium 210!

Just How Cool Is Isabella Blow?

So fucking cool.

Feel Rich

I made myself toast and eggs and fried ham for breakfast. I felt so.. luxurious, in my sweats and t-shirt, watching CNN. *sigh* There are some things, like that, that make me feel rich despite the obvious opposite nature of that statement. Like apples and almond butter. Or clean sheets, or white button up shirts. Or a pen that works really well.
Please God let me marry a rich man.

Seriously, This Was NOT an Option on Career Day.

Dita Von Teese.. We love you.

Nominal-itis

All the things you really don't care about, but sorta need to know...

Phoebe Philo, of Stella McCartney/Chloe fame is rumoured to be collaborating with the The Gap on their summer collection..
Dakota Fanning is the star of Marc Jacobs new ad campaign. Tell me, what makes me want to look like a 7 year old? I mean. Other than Marc Jacobs.
Eve Arnold releases previously unseen portraits of Marilyn Monroe. Seriously, what a looker.
Sophia Coppola gave birth to a daughter named Romy. a) she was pregnant? b) Nep...o.. tism... spell it Romy!

Rocking Out With The Playboys...

I thought I could just leave this post with just pictures, but everytime I read the title I kept looking for girls with bunny tails. *shrug*
Ian and I went out (surprise!) to see the Cassanova Playboys at The Velvet Underground - so much fun. Funnier still that the opening bad, this strange goth rock band called "The Cockatoos" played for about an hour.. and the CP's played for.. half an hour? Lord. Given that I watched each of them drink at least three triple C&C prior to the show, I can't imagine they had much in them to offer. *sigh* I really hate it when bands live large.. and they're so small.

Stella's Exam Crazy Playlist for Studying and Pulling Her Pigtails

1. Lily Allen - Not Big
2. Show Me - Mint Royale
3. Sheena is a Parasite - The Horrors
4. Stronger than Me - Amy Winehouse
5. Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is - Jet
6. No Heaven - DJ Champion
7. Burlesque - Casanova Playboys
8. Tokyo Police Club - Cheer It On
9. How I've Been - OKGO
10. Who Knows - Marion Black
11. Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen
12. Hola Hovito - Jay-Z
13. Life Like Weeds - Modest Mouse

Lusticon #4

Merked (v.) - Drawn from my sisters lingo, and subsequently looked up on Urban Dictionary ('cause that 7 year gap sometimes is a bigger leap than I think). The total and undeniable beatdown of a person via trashtalk. Synonyms - Burn, faced, owned. Sample Usage: "Damn, you got merked."

Examitis (n.) - A group of symptoms, not limited to, but definately including - stress zits, stiff pen fingers. Usually attempted to be cured via caffeine, the only real cure so far proving to be Jaegermeister. Sample Usage: "That night out drinking Jaeger really cleared up my examitis, but I have a feeling it will flare up again around finals."

cocainesahulluvadrugasaurus (n, sci.) - The species of celebrities that will, with cockroaches and twinkies, survive the nuclear holocaust, as they have already survived the ice age. Ex - Tom Waits, Keith Richards, Gary Busey.

Vaguyna (n.) - the vestigal organ wherein male sympathy is kept, more developed in ladyboys. (see further definition of Ladyboy in Amy Winehouses' song "Stronger than Me") Increases crying at AT&T commercials, sympathy cramps and dislike of women prettier than you. Sample usage: "Are you seriously crying because I forgot to call you? Is your vaguyna acting up?"

Cabistan (n.geog.) - The vague country wherein most cab drivers orginate, usually ending in -stan, (see: Kurdistan, Pakistan.. ) When in doubt of origin, cabistan may be used. Sample Usage: "My cab driver is from Cabistan, and unfortunately, I don't speak Cabistani"

One Down.

So.. that essay? Yeah, I'm going to do a little shameless self promotion here. Which is probably bad exam Karma or SOMETHING.. but I slaved away at that thing.. and I got a 93% !! My proffessor (and this is what put it over the top) asked me if I was indeed a phil student, because if I wasn't.. I should be. And that he rarely gets anything of that caliber from 4th year students, and to save it to use later..WHEN I DO MY MASTERS!! YAY! So it paid off. The fact that I have dime sized bald patches, that I chewed my lips to blood, that I completely and permanently threw off my circadian rythms, that I ate nothing but salad.. IT PAID OFF! Now I know what I have to do next term..

On a lighter note, I wrote my phil final yesterday, and I knew it.. like.. cold. (I assure you, I do not use terms like "like" or, painfully enough "omg" in my papers. Which, sadly, I have witnessed and edited.) So that's one down. The only other one that I'm worried about is my logic exam.. *Sigh* Which I will pass, if and only if, therefore and are, or is a necessary condition to passing.. that I become a super genius overnight. Or at least before next Friday.

THEN.. dear readers.. I am going home. Yes, home. In the past year and a half, I have spent no more than 10 days in the company of my entire family (please lord let me recognize them) - so I am returning to the familial homestead (right now a rented brownstone in Ottawa) to rejoice in the Christmas season. To skate on the Rideau Canal, to visit galleries and eat beaver tails, and essential mooch shamelessly off my family as much expensive fruit as I can. And Christmas! CHRISTMAS!

*sigh* Happiness. Or as near as I can get with 4 exams and Secret Santa looming. Lord.

The Ultimate Poshlust Christmas Cookies

Of course, credit goes to my mother for these cookies.. which I've been using indiscriminately as VERY effective bribes the past little while.

Cranberry Hazelnut Cookies

1 cup cranberries - fresh or frozen

1 cup butter

1 cup brown sugar - packed

1 egg

1 Tbsp. water

2 cups white flour

1/2 tsp. baking soda

Pinch salt

1 cup ground hazelnuts

1 cup shredded coconut

Coarsely chop cranberries and set aside. In large bowl. cream together butter and sugar; beat in egg and water. Sift or stir together flour, baking soda and salt; stir into creamed mixture. Add hazelnuts, coconut and cranberries; mix well.

Form into 1 inch balls and place, about 2 inches apart. on lightly greased baking sheets. Flatten balls with tines of fork or bottom of glass. Bake in 350 oven for 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown.

Bits and Bobs..

Because the Ones We Took Were Funnier..

Because a PNEUMATIC Device is a Drill... Lalalala...

Parmenides-Permanence, won’t let me fall to the void
Heraclitus – Ever changing, lit with common fire of logos, relativism passes, but same law for the masses
Xenophanes – One is his name, thought it absurd that gods were the same
Animaxander – to the max in the air, like Darwin later
Anaxagorous – strange letters like carrots in my blood, believed in permanence like Parmenides does…
Thales – could have been a Jew, be careful what you do, or you’ll drown in the seas that cause earthquakes
Empedocles –imperishable elements with love and strife, of the belief that blood made life
Leucippus and Democritus – loosely demonstrated Parmenides views, but necessitates that nature chooses what to do, rational necessity
Zeno – Though Z is at the end, we’ll never catch up to him, because when were are where he was, he’ll be somewhere again..

Breaking Blog Silence... With a fart?

So I've been 100% nuts, and busy... and well...ok, just too busy carbo-loading like a Nigerian marathon runner to post. But really nuts - I'm literally losing my mind, somewhere between Plato's theory of justice and his idea of the happy life, both of which I'm no closer to attaining than I am to being in the Broadway production of "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas"... though perhaps I have a suitable tinge of green due to increased junk food consumption and nerves.

But on that note.. I am indeed posting today to give some righteous "props" as the kids say, to my dear friend Trent and his troop of.. ahem.. well, troops is a nice word, who received an all too fabulous review in the papers about their comedy show. It's starting tonight, Planet Ze, all the info is in the article that I am posting, IN FULL, below, because that's just what kind of gal I am. I can only speak from my experiences with Trent on various wine filled friday nights, which would probably have sketch comedy labels like "The Vagina Song", "Trivial Poopsuit" and "Is that Hugh Hefner or Kurt Vonnegut in a ratty bathrobe?". He's hilarious. 'Nuff said.

Oh, and if you're terribly lucky, I'll be guest/volunteer bartending for Trent a couple evenings, in a suitably tip inducing outfit. I mean, if you're not into comedy, there's at least me in heels. Which is comedic itself in a sad, sad way.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Christmas Comedy Gets a Little Sketchy
David Berry, Vue Weekly

In just over a year of being together, Mostly Water Theatre has already figured out The Science of Funny and told everyone How To Not Suck.

One would expect, then, that the foursome—Sam Varteniuk (the smart one), Matt Stanton (the angry one), Craig Buchert (the idiot) and Trent Wilkie (the other idiot)—has a pretty good idea of who they are and just how funny they can be.

“I like to think we’re the type of guys who could perform for the Prime Minister and get away with swearing,” says Varteniuk, peering through oval-shaped glasses, mouth locked in a permanent dry, half-droop. “We are a bit vulgar, but I like to think that it’s kind of laced with intellect—or maybe it’s intellect laced with vulgarity. Basically, we like to have someone poop in a bucket, but we like it to be Freudian.”

The group’s Freudian shit jokes have evidently caught on. After forming just over a year ago to do a Christmas show—which means that this year’s edition, XXXMas 2: Falalalala-lala-luck Off, functions as both Christmas revelry and one-year anniversary—Mostly Water has been gaining steam ever since. Science of Funny debuted at Nextfest to high praise, but it was their Fringe show, How to Not Suck, that really earned them their crude, hilarious stripes, their stage-and-film show earning them comparisons to sketchcom legends like SCTV and Kids in the Hall.

Though they obviously don’t mind the big comparisons—really, who would, I suppose—for them sketch comedy boils down to something a bit simpler: flat-out fun.

“It’s instant gratification,” Wilkie animatedly explains. “I look at it like we’re kind of a band, and we write songs, though we don’t really play them again and again. But there’s a different feel to each skit, you were in different moods when you wrote them, and they’re just kind of up there and out.”

“Plus, there’s a maturity attached to writing a full-length play that I don’t think I’ve achieved,” Varteniuk adds. “It’s knowing you have something to say, or a story to tell. I have more smartass comments, I think.”

If smartass comments are what work, though, there’s no sense buttering your bread with provocative drama. Future maturity that may lead to more long-form, intricate drama notwithstanding, for now the group just feels lucky that Edmonton audiences have responded to their particular brand of humour.

“One reviewer described us as ‘a night out with four of your funniest friends,’” Varteniuk explains. “I think that’s one of the best responses we’ve gotten or could hope to get.” V

Dec 7 - 9 &14 - 16 (8 pm)
XXXMas 2: Falalalala-lala-luck off
Directed by David DeGagne
Written & performed by Craig Buchert, Matt Stanton, Sam Varteniuk, Trent Wilkie
Planet Ze Design Centre (10055 - 80 Avenue), $12 - $15

Back to the books, miss you all!

Hey Ma, We're On the Bar Website!

But at least the lighting was good.. Sabine, Holly and I busting a move at Union Hall last night. Well, we're bustin' something.

Sadisfactory.

So I had my performance evaluation for being an R.A. And I got a "satisfactory". And I was ok with that. Until everyone else got a "commendable". Like, almost everyone. I feel..so.. lame. I'm doing ok in school, and I'm doing ok in this? Whats the point if I can't be excellent in both? I'm one of those people.. if you can't be the best.. what's the point of being at all. And now.. now I'm satisfactory. And I feel pretty damn...unsatisfactory with that.

Lusticon #2

Paparrhotties - The hot paparrazzi - you know, like the women from Entertainment Tonight and Wild On. Paparrazzi + hotties. Elementary, yet brilliant.
Hauterflies - Haute Couture + butterflies. The people who flutter from one style to another, and can afford to.. Not to be confused with Hauterphiles, those sick individuals who know every stitch from every Tom, Jean and Phoebe line there ever was.
Whale Tail- That not so adorable triangle of plastic that splashes above your too low slung pants.

Nerd. Period.

I've been procrastinating finishing this big philosophy paper.. I mean, I have MAYBE 500 words left, sum it all up, put a nice bow on it. You know what I've been DOING to procrastinate? I've been reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez' "Strange Pilgrims". No, actually, I've read and finished Gabriel Garcia Marquez' "Strange Pilgrims". Fantastic book - 12 short stories, check it out when you have the chance. "Light is Like Water" was my favorite. I'm such a loser.

Friends Friends They Keep You Warm...

Craig and I at his birthday, Sabrina and I at dinner. They give me the warm and fuzzies. Mostly cause Sabrina lends me her sweaters.