So my beautiful friend Stephanie knows my penchant for Krispy Kremes, and brings my sad ass back a dozen from Calgary to mend my broken heart and stop my lettuce eating streak. With the fuel and fury of a couple Krispy Kremes in my system I managed to get to the grocery store and back without belaboring my situation to the poor senior citizen grocery bagger, and made a real meal for my brother and I to eat, Monday being our night to get together for dinner.
Unfortunately, after a relatively upsetting phone conversation I was relegated back to bed to wallow in self pity and what was left of the hawaiian burgers. I know that I'm hitting something akin to rock bottom when I'm now removing the wine corks with my teeth, entirely bypassing using a glass, or plates, as I settle the pot of burgers and rice in my lap to watch yet another "It ain't my baby" session of Maury. Somehow, it always makes me feel better watching Maury or Jerry or something like that. I figure, at least I have my teeth. That's gotta be a plus, right?
So considering I've now inhaled an entire 6 man serving of hawaiian burgers with the efficiency of a ShopVac, I thought it might be prudent to tuck away what was left of the box of Krispy Kremes into the freezer. I'm not sure if one should freeze Krispy Kremes. But I thought it was a good idea considering..well, I had a good few short of a dozen left, and was quickly getting a Kremey doughnut hang over. (That I was considering just looping doughnuts around the wine bottle neck for easy access after a swig was also an indication that they had to go.) I'm sure my neighbor also appreciated it as about every 15 minutes or so my microwave would turn on for 10 seconds at a time to heat up another doughnut. It's not a quiet microwave. I think it probably sounded like I was trying to cook a turkey in 10 second intervals.
Like a junkie.. I grab one last doughnut. In my midnight nudity, I also need to pee. Ah. The dilemma. So I stuff the burning hot doughnut in my mouth, hoping that I can pee quickly enough not to scorch myself, which I couldn't, and had a burning hot Krispy Kreme hitting my thighs and crotch and smearing friggin' liquid fire sugar all over my hoohah, and landing in the toilet.
At which point I stop peeing and screaming, and think, "Ten second rule."
I scrape all the sugar off, without any added hair removal benefits, and contemplate the morality of flushing a Krispy Kreme down the toilet, and decide to leave it over night, during the course of which it expands to the size of an angelfood cake. Which I have to confront this morning like a bunch of empty bottles. A big friggin' heartbreak hang over.
But hey, you can flush them.
Unfortunately, after a relatively upsetting phone conversation I was relegated back to bed to wallow in self pity and what was left of the hawaiian burgers. I know that I'm hitting something akin to rock bottom when I'm now removing the wine corks with my teeth, entirely bypassing using a glass, or plates, as I settle the pot of burgers and rice in my lap to watch yet another "It ain't my baby" session of Maury. Somehow, it always makes me feel better watching Maury or Jerry or something like that. I figure, at least I have my teeth. That's gotta be a plus, right?
So considering I've now inhaled an entire 6 man serving of hawaiian burgers with the efficiency of a ShopVac, I thought it might be prudent to tuck away what was left of the box of Krispy Kremes into the freezer. I'm not sure if one should freeze Krispy Kremes. But I thought it was a good idea considering..well, I had a good few short of a dozen left, and was quickly getting a Kremey doughnut hang over. (That I was considering just looping doughnuts around the wine bottle neck for easy access after a swig was also an indication that they had to go.) I'm sure my neighbor also appreciated it as about every 15 minutes or so my microwave would turn on for 10 seconds at a time to heat up another doughnut. It's not a quiet microwave. I think it probably sounded like I was trying to cook a turkey in 10 second intervals.
Like a junkie.. I grab one last doughnut. In my midnight nudity, I also need to pee. Ah. The dilemma. So I stuff the burning hot doughnut in my mouth, hoping that I can pee quickly enough not to scorch myself, which I couldn't, and had a burning hot Krispy Kreme hitting my thighs and crotch and smearing friggin' liquid fire sugar all over my hoohah, and landing in the toilet.
At which point I stop peeing and screaming, and think, "Ten second rule."
I scrape all the sugar off, without any added hair removal benefits, and contemplate the morality of flushing a Krispy Kreme down the toilet, and decide to leave it over night, during the course of which it expands to the size of an angelfood cake. Which I have to confront this morning like a bunch of empty bottles. A big friggin' heartbreak hang over.
But hey, you can flush them.
2 comments:
Not that this helps your broken heart problem much, but if you can freeze wedding cake, why wouldn't you be able to freeze Krispy Kreme? Just a thought.
Krispy Kreme story is oh so very funny. Image of urine coverd confection gives me the willies...this is not a metaphor for your heart...it's just an unfortunate accident! Love you
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