Spring Break Room

Spring Break - Day Nine

Time- 11:59pm
Listening- Breathe Me - Sia Furler
Watching- "Running With Scissors"
Wearing- Jeans, long white tunic tea, keffiya, grey vest
Eating- apples with peanut butter

The last day.. laundry and window shopping and crying in card isles, paintings and galleries and coffee coffee, pineapple juice, coffee, buttered rum, coffee, pineapple juice, laundry, cleaning and cleaning and organizing and waiting and reading and folding so much laundry and apples and so much peanut butter and yum... Blue shoes and no laces and barefeet and boat shoes and the mint green color I love so much, and now spring break is over..I wish I smoked.. *sigh*

Ian at the Grocery Store...

Andrea.. no.. that's not Andrea.. hello.. oh, there she is.. bums....

Thrifting.

Who DIDN'T have one of these sweaters at some point in time?

Spring Break - Day Eight

Time - 11:43pm
Listening- "The Economist" Podcast
Watching-Absolutely nothing.
Wearing- Dirty (like, not cool dirty but unwashed) jeans, old belt, red t-shirt, black cardigan
Eating- Sweet Chili Heat Doritos and hot buttered rum.

Springy day with warm sun.. got Dolce Lattes, shopped for bright shoes and brighter t-shirts, cellphones, scarves, busty shirts and ugly sweaters, boatnecks and scoopnecks and double chocolate reverse almond chocolate chunk cookies, listened to jazz and hip hop... Ate cocoanut curry chicken, glass noodles and Red Dragons, laughed at everything and the MSG helped, found great sales and cream smelling like cotton candy and marshmallows...Took pictures and sang to the radio, read, talked to and missed Jared, watched two Law and Orders at once and am still trying to finish my book so late at night...

The Most Played Song At New York Fashion Week

Spring Break - Late Night Day Seven

Time - 1:14am
Listening- "You Never Had It" - RJD2
Watching - CSI
Wearing - Black high waisted pencil skirt, white tuxedo shirt
Eating- peach yogurt with cornflakes sprinkled on top

Just got home from an amazing evening out with Ian, it's the first time I've seen him since he got back from Asia. He looks fantastic, sunburned and happy and renewed. It was good to see him looking that way.
We went out to Savoy for Soho and sodas and a bite to eat - have to say, Savoy really impressed me with their food! We had (don't judge me) chorizo corndogs with raspberry mustard, and baked goat cheese with balsamic vinegar reduction and potato slivers. It was prety amazing - fresh and tasty and hot. We had a pretty retarded waitress whom I'm pretty sure had just been hired from Denny's, and I really wish we had one of the shitty standoffish ones.. this girl hovered, talked in the highest pitch I have ever heard a human talk in, and the only time we couldn't find her was when we wanted the bill. *laugh* But it really was fantastic, and Savoy is such a great people watching place.
We moved from there to Halo for their mod night.. Oh my lord. I felt like a grandma! Everyone there looked about 16 years old, and I'm pretty sure had only read about the British Invasion on Wikipedia. It was kinda scary. Saw a few friends, drank a Becks and a Stoli and 7 and ran away home.
(Ok. To McDonalds and THEN home)
It was a fantastic night, even given child partiers and shitty waitresses. It is so nice to have my friend home.

Night Owls

Art o' The Day

Jaime Campbell Photography - "Rachelle"

How To Build A Faster Airplane

Via Animation!

Pass a Little Tempo with Me

Passa Tempo, the beautiful, hip little wine bar nestled beside Culina on 99th street has announced a weekly Singles Night on Wednesdays. It'll be one ounce for one dollar, so you can try their amazing wine list with less pain in the pocket. And hopefully, appart from the antioxidants, it'll help your heart too!
They've also announced a monthly tasting night - 40$ per ticket, on the first Tuesday of the month. But there's only 12 tickets.. so move fast and reserve yours via credit card. See you there!

Spring Break - Day Seven

Time - 3:41am
Listening- "The Way We Get By" - Spoon
Watching- The inside of my eyelids
Wearing- Jeans, t-shirt and hoodie. Possibly the most uninspired outfit ever.
Eating - Anything covered in peanut butter, but right now.. apples covered in peanut butter

I just got back from Timmies with Jared -he left for Santa Clara this morning at some ungodly hour.. I'm not sure which one, but it was dark, and there were bunnies in the parking lot. Which qualifies as both ungodly and insane. To top it off, I thought it might be a fabulous idea to have a coffee with Jared before he left. Before I went back to bed. I'm a friggin' idiot. As a result, I've been listening to CBC's "Eye on Business" or something like that (ps - Google is making a microsoft like office package, and Microsoft is launching a search engine) and praying that I fall back asleep. Yeah. Not happening.
I'm grouchy that spring break is ending, and find it somewhat remarkable that I'm pretty sure I have spent 75% of it in bed. Sweet.
No plans for the day, possibly just eat more things with peanut butter on them.

A Spring Break Playlist

1. Monsters Are Waiting - Don't Go
2. Beck - Go It Alone
3. Tom Vek - C-C (You Set the Fire In Me)
4.Voxtrot - Raised by Wolves
5. Eels - I like Birds
6. The Elected - A Time for Emily
7. Mint Royale - Show Me
8. Four Tet - Smile Around the Face
9. Say Anything - Woe
10. Jem - Just A Ride

Spring Break - Day Six

Time - 2:38pm
Listening - "I Turn My Camera On" -Spoon
Watching- The snow start falling
Wearing- Jeans, my "Laissez les Bon Temps Rouler" t-shirt and the bitchin' grey blazer my sister gave me. Oh yeah. And my kick ass 3 miles of aqua cotton comfort wash day underwear
Eating - Green peppers and ranch dressing

I thought that spring was coming. As you can see from the above picture, it was not. Oh, yes, you can also tell that I live in a dorm. They're so considerate my residents. Garbage, recycle and puke bucket. Who says we're not an aware generation. Al Gore, take that.
I can't believe that spring break is ending.. *sigh* Jared's leaving for California in a day, and I've got the rest of the time to work on my Fem. Phil essay and getting some party time in with the girls. Oh, and attempt to dance off the incredible ammount of carbs I've been consuming. I think I was in a self instituted "carb stupor". I think I was wondering around with bread rolls in my pockets. It's a sad state, cureable only by a huge bloody steak via intravenous.
So I may not have accomplished any of my goals for yesterday, but really, it taught me something. Like, aim low. *laugh* I'm going to make my bed today, bathe before 4, and make dinner. I hope I have enough time before tomorrow starts..
My mom sent me a Valentines Day package.. (shout out to my mum here) with apple cider, a kick ass Threadless T-shirt and a red and white striped pirate shirt (she knows I really just want to be a philosophizing swashbuckler) tea and hair treatments and slippers.. *sigh* It was so awesome. Mums are the best. Only she knows I'd want to be a pirate with NICE hair.

Spring Break - Day Five

Time- 3:13pm
Listening- Voxtrot - "Long Haul"
Watching- The planes come into the airport
Wearing- THE Avengers t-shirt, red underwear and hiking socks
Eating- cornflakes with vanilla silk soy milk and an orange

WOOHOO! We're WAY ahead of schedual today, like, 5 hours or so. Sweet. I'm actually going to get some stuff done today. Or at least, there is the possibility (which is sorely missing when I get up at 7pm) that I will get something done today. Like, return the DVDs to Blockbuster, have a shower before 5pm, possibly get to Starbucks, read a chapter of "One Hundred Years of Solitude".. gosh, maybe I'll go to Harcourt House and see the exhibit there. I dunno. That might be ambitious. Lets try to bathe before 5pm. Thats my short term goal.
----
Ok, it is now twenty to five and the only thing I have actually suceeded in is making my keyboard do this - è - instead of an apostrophe. As a result, I cannot use conjuctions without looking really strange. Ièm getting in the shower.

yeah.

Spring Break - Day Four

Time- 11:07pm

Listening- Haitian Fight Song (Charles Mingus)

Watching- Dane Cook "Crying"

Wearing - Jeans and a black long sleeve tee, old western belt

Eating- Chocolate chip cookies, Advil Liquid Gels and water.

I think I may have actually surpassed my total bed time from yesterday.. and maybe even the day before together. I spent the entire day (and by entire I mean I woke up at 11 and left bed at 6:30) reading in bed. I got through a third of the aforementioned book and two mini nobake cheese cakes, a half a bagel, raspberry yogurt, half a green pepper, a liter of gatorade, three chocolate chip cookies, a boston cream donut and a coffee. I am in training to be a sumo-wrestler, in case I forgot to tell you. You know, post script.

A Hundred Years of Trying

I have been trying to finish "One Hundred Years of Solitude" for about 3 years now. I pick it up, put it down, get lost in another book.. It's not that I don't like it (I love it!).. I just get wrapped up in something else. But it's bugging me. So today, I'm starting at the beginning and I WILL finish this book. There's only two books that I haven't finished in my life (from boredom and disgust, respectively) - "Little Women" and "Naked Lunch". Since "One Hundred Years of Solitude" falls into neither of those catagories, it should be finished. What better day when I have many other more important things to do and have searched my list of menial tasks for ANYTHING to supplant my required task of cleaning the spare bedroom.. than this one!

Spring Break - Day Three

Time- 6:51pm
Listening - Zero 7 - "Simple Things" album
Watching- (on and off) "Perfume" (movie based off of the Jeffrey Suskind book of the same name)
Wearing- Army green american apparel sweats, royal blue american apparel dress, barefeet, no make-up
Eating - lime popsicles

I just got up. Spent more time in my bed today than out of it, reading, sleeping. Coffee with Jared, and there were no funny people at Timmies. At least at Starbucks you can count on being able to laugh at the pretention. Mostly Timmies just looks like a little avenue of nations. Nations that can all probably afford Starbucks, unlike Jared and I. Feeling melancholy and slow, like taking repeated showers and just sitting in the bottom. Jared's been cheering me up with drum solos on my back and forehead kisses and laughter and being terribly accurate with his tickling. Bastard. Supposed to be going to Bar Wild tonight with the girls since I ditched on the cowboy fest last night, but nothing in my body feels "bar" or "wild". Maybe "pub mild"? I just looked at my bookshelf and realised I have 3 copies of "Slaughterhouse Five". Maybe that's the female serial killers "Catcher in the Rye"? Sweet. That would be the strangest part of my day right there. Or when I told the lady at Tim Hortons that I was on spring break and she said yeah, but today is way colder than yesterday. *shrug*

Spring Break - Day Two

Time - 9:18pm
Listening to - The Roots "What They Do"
Watching - Just finished "Idiocracy"
Wearing- Grey sweatpants, black wrap, black flip flops
Eating- Steak and Blue Cheese Pizza

Lazy days... up at 11am, coffee and people watching with Jared.. nap. Learned how to play Donkey Konga's and how to hold drumsticks (not the ice cream kind)..lazed the afternoon away listening to Miles Davis, had coffee with a blast from the past Rob - our love lives have followed identical trajectories since leaving each other - rented a movie and ate pizza and drank horrible beer.. My room smells like spring with the rose but mostly because of the air freshener. I'm supposed to be going to a country bar.. I think I'm going to watch Robot chicken and read my new fashion mag.

Spring Break - Day One.

Time - 12:13am
Listening to - Air (Playgroung Love)
Watching - The Virgin Suicides
Wearing - socks, underwear, black tank top, long grey sweater.
Eating - Strawberry Yogurt

I have not shown my breasts to anyone, nor have I had anything to drink.
*sigh*
On a lighter note.. I did have a lovely day. Slept in until about ten this morning, then Jared came and got me for coffee and people watching at timmies, which we did, laughinging a lot, until 1ish, 2ish. We walked down to the art gallery..he piggybacked me over all the slush so I didn't ruin my sneakers, then we were solicited by very nice mormons. Is solicited the word? Stumbled around the gallery and downtown, had diner coffee and peanut butter pie and bought an orange rose, laughed and took pictures and I made spaghetti casserole and we ate pickled beets with it.. and cleaned and now I made a collage and am on duty. Everyone is gone and it's so quiet.. they all left for warmer places but its so warm here and nice, and quiet and lonely, in a nice way. Like being in a department store when it's closing... I love it when it's warm and you walk outside at night and the parking lot lights are mildly magical, it makes coffee runs so much better. *sigh*

And Vogue..

Because If I Can't Be Showing My Breasts on South Beach..

I might as well be posting links for you guys to enjoy.

Hate Brussel Sprouts and have great hand/eye co-ordination? Check this out.
Enjoy Japanese Electro-Pop art videos? (or as I like to call it, JEPAV?) Here you go!
The meaning of life via powerpoint? Voila. How about via index cards?
Always wanted to try something guerilla? How about gardening?
Not your average rock and role video..
I used to think this song was sexy, then I saw the video. Now I feel weird.
A short film called Roof.
Feel guilty that you're not at school/work? Fill out a form, and get a free Useless Account!
We Feel Fine. Do you? See what everyone on the web is feeling. Other than lonely.
I heart stop motion.

*sigh* I feel almost as good as if I'd bared my va-jay-jay in Miami. Alllllmmmosstttt.

I think I'm not going to vomit.

Alright, now that I've finished arguing innatism and various consciousness models, gotten rid of the umpteen coffee cups, wads of kleenex, bags of garbage and accumulated voicemails that seem to come to stay every exam period.. *exhale*
I have yet to have the euphoria of exams hit where all I want to do is vomit productively in a shitty bar bathroom instead of in my mouth when I realise I have no idea what to say about behaviourism and consciousness (but wonder if maybe vomitting all over the place would be enough), but I do have a raging headache that is notifying me of the fact that I have yet to have more than 1 (one) cup of coffee today. There is a mass exudos from the dorms of people fortunate enough to go home, and a huge influx of people into the dorms, most with huge carts of booze, who deem themselves fortunate enough to stay here.
Please god, let the beer fairies come.

Your Exits Are Here.. Here...

Sad, but REALLY good.

Valentines

Valentines (/gifts) I've gotten so far today. Really, I don't think my friends could have said it any better.

Thorny Roses Rule

Ok, despite the fact that I have at LEAST 3 gorgeous, luscious women that I will be spending Valentines day with, the whole idea STILL sorta makes me puke. SO, I'll post again what I posted last year.. just about the best Anti -Valentines day site ever. *smile* Voila! Let spite and lonliness be your guide in choosing the perfect e-card.

A little poem

Jared braved my patient zero status last night to come and hang out with my sad-sack-grumpy unable-to-swallow-popsicle-muching self and try and cheer me up. He did so by reading randomly selected Harlem Renaissance poems by Langston Hughes in the voices of, but not limited to, Morgan Freeman, Kermit the Frog, a frenchmen, and Bill Cosby. This one was the best.

Bad Morning - by Langston Hughes (As interpreted by Jared in the voice of Bill Cosby)

Here I sit

With my shoes mismated.

Lawdy-mercy!

I's frustrated!

I have great friggin' friends.

Picture of the Day

Wing Night With the Girls

Sabine, Lauren and I (and Stephen snuck in the pic) at the Globe for Wings before I became patient zero in the Residence Hospital. *laugh*

Oh.

Yeah, so when my throat swelled up to the point that I couldn't swallow, and I couldn't turn my head, and I was sleeping 16 hours a day.. I figured I should get to a doctor. And now the only thing that doesn't agitate my strep throat/mono (and by agitate I mean it feels like razors) ... is Jello. Thank you Lauren, this is the most appealing thing I've eaten all day.

New Things

My friend Jared and I, my new kicks, and my new bangs!

An Open Letter

To Whom It May Concern -

I realise that you (yes you, 60 year old man with booby tattoos and ear hair and a swagger that I believe is brought on by the fact you are not wearing your orthopedics) believe that by going to the gym that you're being infinately healthier than the rest of the world, and yes, you may. But by virtue of the fact that your sweaty old man balls are rubbing all over the equipment that you REFUSE to disinfect when you're done, you are making ME sick.

I fully understand that perhaps in your heyday that germs were still "germs" and that if you couldn't "see" them, then they didn't "exist". Well, let me reassure you by the strong gagging reflex that I get when I see you adjusting yourself then using the handweights, or better yet, the thighmaster dealio.. germs exist. Oh, and so does the pungent odor of oldspice, sweat and broken dreams.

I realise that you may not be able to smell yourself, or due to your myopic state, see the sweat and gross that you are leaving being and taking with you (see: the enormous sweat stain on your ass) . But when people are gradually coming to the gym earlier and earlier to simply avoid having to use the equipment AFTER you, it may be an indication that the world is attempting to avoid the intrinsically gross nature of your salt and pepper ass hair that you insist on displaying when you stretch.

So, please. The stack of towels at the front of the gym? For you. The disinfectant located conveniently in many many places around the gym? For you. The posters with the picture of a sweaty old man that say "Clean your equipment after use".. yeah, they're directed at you. But you know what else is going to be directed at you the next time I catch you dragging your dinosaur balls along the weight bench? My tiny first of fury holding a 50 lb weight. Then I'm going to squirt dissinfectant in your eyes. Twice.

Let this be a warning. Grrr.

Ms. P.

Acedemic Apathy Strikes Again

There once was a fem. phil class,
Who pretended it wasn't bout ass,
And try as they might,
They couldn't fight,
That it was all about being sexy and crass.

The students with spirits quite high
As much as they listened and tried,
Began to zone out, with heads full of doubt,
And realised that the class was a lie.

Hopeful Hume

I've been studying Hume, in very rudimentary terms, in my Philosophy of Science class. There is this beautiful assumption of empiricism - sensory experiences being the only true source of knowledge. Necessity is not discovered in experience - just because everytime a happens b happens.. it's not necessary, just causal. We BELIEVE that because the apple falls out of the tree everytime and hits the ground that EVERYTIME it leaves the tree it will hit the ground.. Because it's implausible that we ever experience anything in advance of it actually happening (save knowing with some certainty that Britney Spears will have another child) we cannot make the inductive generalization that the apple will ALWAYS fall. You can't have universal laws like gravity if they are based on the inductive reasoning that they will always happen in the future.
Isn't this just HOPEFUL? I think its so beautiful. Kids got it right. Keep jumping off the roof, again and again, because maybe THIS time, you could fly. Because you can never know for sure what will happen in the next moment. You can use induction to guess what will happen. But you can never know with certainty. I think it's so beautiful...

For Your Pontification

Coincedence? I think NOT.

Come ON. I am not a conspiracy nut, and even I can see that the release of the global warming report and the fact that every groundhog around the world predicted an early spring are not just LOOSELY correlated. Does nobody have morals anymore? Not even ground hogs?

Lusticon #6 - An Ode to Fashion Week

naughtycal - (v.) The new sailor/pirate look that's becoming prevelant, replete with jolly rogers, various ropey tying devices and ruffled pinafores. And not the H.M.S. Made extra water tight, these outfits are the farthest thing from what a REAL pirate (or naval officer) would wear. sample usage - "With those barely there swashbuckling pants and a tightly clasped officers jacket, Jennifer was looking positively naughtycal"

country humpkin - (v.) A deliciously Daisy/ Dukes of Hazzard look wherein lumberjack print is the new leopard, and pigtails the new hair-do. Decidedly naive, works best when looking unintentional, like you really did fall off the turnip truck. Daisy Dukes and pink plaid shirts a mandatory. sample usage - "Dressed in a pair of shortie overalls with no shirt and rubber boots, Mary Jane pulled off the country humpkin look with ease!" (Caution - not to be confused with the cuntry humpkin, who is not so naive.)

zapatista fashionista - (v.) The Seattle WTO look with a bit of class. Large aviators, biased haircut, and a penchant towards cargo pants and high heels. Usually accented with a large purse filled with manifestos, buttons promoting veganism and a stun gun. sample usage - "Illona Shwartzmann was putting up anti post labour day white posters yesterday at the organic market.. she's such a little zapatista fashionista with her bandana across her mouth!"

'O' is Not a Flattering Letter

Some Favorite Quotes as of Late...

The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life. When it finds this spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain anymore, so it eats it. Its kind of like getting tenure. - Dennett

Really, aren't we just a bag of firing neurons in a chemical skin suit? - My Phil. Teacher

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Lay Me Down On a Bed of Rose Colored Cupcakes

Because frankly, thats all the lovin' I want right now. Buttercream lovin'.

I am slowly going crazy..

I'm writing a Fem. Phil essay, which is making me crazy. And I just hit ok on the spell check to replacing every "perceiver" with the word "pervert". I am laughing, because if I do not laugh, I will sob uncontrollably until I die in my essay writing chair, pen in hand.

Yay!

Song of the Day is back! My file hosting thingy is finally working. God bless this series of tubes that the internet is. *sigh* Magic.

And good luck to you.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

*Insert Smug Smile Here*

I have gone to the gym more than not this month! In fact, CONSIDERABLY more that not. Like, only 5 days or so I haven't gone! And, as a result, I have lost... (fat roll here.. I mean.. drum roll) 5 whole pounds of CHRISTMAS! (Ok, and donair, and beer, and the penchant I had for Sweet Chili Heat chips last semester.) The only problem is.. that now, when I don't go..ok, or just contemplate not going to the gym, I get the sweats and get all anxious. Sweet Mary and Joseph in a peach tree. I may actually be on my way to attaining my life long dream of an eating disorder! (I am 100% joking Mom. Everyone else? Nicole Richie is my idol.) Now if only I could be good at math.

Damn You RSS!

Hey.. so to all of you who have switched over and are reading me via my RSS feed on Facebook.. boo to you. You comment (such funny comments) on Facebook, and not here! Now it looks like nobody reads me. Or nobody does. *sigh* Wow. Downer. Mom.. you still read me, right?

I am Woman, Hear Me Scramble Your Eggs.

Dear Hunky Feminist Philosophy Teacher.

Could you possibly try not to look AS handsome, because it's really hard to think about oppression when all I want to be is barefoot and pregnant in your kitchen while you whisper sweet liberations in my ear.

Thank you.

Ms. P

Apparently Bad Plank is Genetic..

My totally brave brother came to yoga with Sabine and I - we had a blast! It was so much fun, Sabine and Nic couldn't stop laughing about farting, and my brother actually said he really liked it, and will come back next week! Mel, our instructor, pointed out that we both have the same problem with doing the plank. I said it was genetic. Nic said it was because I had a big butt and he had none. Witty bastard.

It's Kosher, Recycled.. and Windy?

It's Soy Milk!

Letter To A Good Girlfriend-

Dear Girlfriend -

Thank-you for being such a great girl last Friday night. Honestly, I'm not really sure why I thought that it was such a good idea to show up in time for dollar doubles, or why I thought it might be a super idea to drink 12 of them in a row, while attempting to dance to ACDC.. on the floor. Which, while super comfortable, made my jeans kinda sticky, and also made it really easy to fall asleep.

And hey, thanks for making the executive decision NOT to let me get a tacky butterfly spray painted on my back/butt, and instead steering me towards a far less tacky barcode, despite my protestations and attempted bribes. More so, way to go for deciding NOT to let us eat donairs in the car. I vaguely remember getting a free cup of donair sauce and spilling it, and then.. um.. still eating it. (I'm sorry for then getting it all over your car in big sticky donair hands.. and.. um.. I'm pretty sure all over you.)

Thanks for getting me to bed, albeit with donair sauce and makeup still on, one sock and an earring half in my mouth. And thanks for laughing out loud at me the next day. It made the fact that I'm pretty sure I tried to make love to your Honda a lot easier to bear. P.S. uh.. I owe you.

Love -
Ms. P.

You Know Why I Love Mondays?

Because the antiseptic isn't diluted at the gym yet! Yay! No other-peoples-gross-sweat day!

View From The Top

The Gym

So I'm holding fast to my New Years resolution of visiting the gym on a daily basis. I think visiting may be the wrong word. Visiting kinda sounds like I go there to see friends, or hang out, or have tea. Which, while preferable, is not what I am doing. 45 minutes running and 45 minutes weights/sit-ups and various other machines do not a "visit" make.

But I've discovered, like some sort of athleta-sociologist, that the Gym has entirely it's own culture and kind of people - it's a country unto itself! I'm sure that the demographics change over the day, that at 6am there is a different kind of people there than at noon or at night, but the ones I see.. well..

Elliptical Elise's - The girls who wear their make-up - nay, touch up their make-up- to go to the gym. Their workout clothes are pristine and matching, often top of the line. They are never seen anywhere but on the elliptical machines, often reading a magazine. They ALWAYS bring their own towels.

Ancient Andrew and Anne - A newer addition to our gym, where the 55+ program is in full swing, they more often have many differing supports, various knee braces and whatnot, and either orthopedic shoes, or penny loafers. They look like they're about to snap in two at any moment, but actually have amazing strength - probably from living through 2 world wars.

Gym Gerald - Focused, fit, and completely into checking himself, and you, out. For example, our particular Gym Gerald often checks me out at 6 in the morning, despite the fact my gym socks don't match, I've got zit cream on my face, pillow lines on my neck and am picking my wedgie. Last I spoke to him he askd "what are you working on" and I replied "not being fat." He doesn't talk to me anymore.

Serious Sid and Sydney - Tanned, muscled and gleaming, they are the reason that other people go to the gym - to look like them. Beat up yet expensive gym wear, they can consistently go faster, longer and lift more than you, making it look so effortless that they might as well be making a souffle on the side. Worse, they actually look like they enjoy it.

And the current most popular gym personality..

New Years Nancy - (ME!) - Showing real tenacity and stick-to-itiveness, they show up at 6am for the first two weeks, taking only Sundays off. Then, it gets to be 7 am, they start working out every other day, then only show up to Yoga, then they dissapear, leaving only a locker of hopes and dreams of looking like Jessica Alba, and one lone, smelly sock. Until next January.

Oh.

Hmm. So this is my morning news check cycle. The Superficial. Go Fug Yourself. Gawker. New York Times. CNN. Oh no no no...

Next Time, I'll Feign a Seizure

The longer I'm out of the whole dating scene (after a half lapsed Mormon and a man who insisted on talking about himself in the third person.. you would be too) the worse I get with men. I don't know if it's just because I'm out of practice.. but dear sweet Jesus crackers, this is horrible.

I have this Feminist Philosophy class, which I'm enjoying quite a bit. My proffessor is brilliant, and unfortunately.. kind of handsome. Ok. Really handsome. Which actually bears no relevance to my liking the class.. but does completely relate to this story.

We all had to chose a particular article in our text to interpret and present on. I've always had a periphery interest in Simone de Beauvoir, so I chose her - unfortunately, she's the very first article, and hence.. the very first presentation. Which isn't a bad thing. I'm all for setting the bar high for everyone else. Which would have been a lot easier had my brain not disconnected from my mouth when I went to get help from my prof.

I started sweating. Honest to goodness, sweat running down my back and my nose. And stuttering. I'm trying to impart my thesis in an intelligent and cohesive matter, and the only thing I could think of was the fact that it really seemed liked the room was getting smaller. And then, after talking about his education history, I blurted out "Are you old?". Damn it! To which he replied, "No, I'm only 30." Do you know what I SAID to that? "Oh, you're only 12 years younger than my last boyfriend!". SHIT! Trying to ignore that, we went back to talking about my paper, then talked about public speaking, making reference to the fact that I am always afraid I'm going to pee myself. DAMN!

I'm sure he was giving me some great advice in the meantime, but I was so friggin' nervous, that I could barely hear what he was saying over the roar of "STUPID STUPID STUPID" in my brain. So I walked out of the office without any help at all. I did well. But I'm pretty sure he gave me points for not spontaneously urinating in front of the class.

Organized

I'm organized down to the last.. last MINUTE of the day. From friends, job stuff, work, reading, studying, sleeping, the gym, eating, cooking. Ahhh! I thought that being organized was what I wanted.. I don't know if I do anymore. I mean, yes, it's really really useful. Better time management, I've definately increased my productivity, I get way way more time in a day. *sigh* But it just seems that somehow, I've just.. It's like untangling a huge whack of string. In the end, even though you have a nice ball of string - you still have a crap load of knitting to do, and not enough time to do it in. Really, is setting the goal of getting Jessica Alba's body in a week really that lofty?

This is How I Feel Now That I Started Reading Gossip Rags

Out of the Gate.. Just not the Watergate.

Gee, in all my fervour at school I forget to start ticking off Nancy Pelosi's first 100 hours! Franklin Rosevelt may have given himself 100 days, but we all know what a man (and a president) could do in 100 hours, the speaker of the house can do in 100 hours!

So, she is endeavouring to complete - Raising the minumum wage 2$, cutting interest on student loans in half, subsidizing medicare.. and my personal favorite - "drain the GOP swamp". They haven't seen that much action in there since.. well.. um.. There was that time.. Oh you wiley woman you, I hope they floss their teeth with your ugly suits, after they eat you fried in the pork fat!

(And whats happening in Canada? Well, Wajid Khan just spent 13,000$ on an 11 (?) day trip to study middle eastern relations, and write a report that nobody but Harper is allowed to read. Thank-goodness he defected to the Conservatives, we know they simply can't spend money without a gun to their head. Or at least the realization that their multicultural portfolio head could be..um.. multicultural.)

this post doesn't need a title.

there is somebody eating a bagel with salmon cream cheese in the library, 5 feet from me. give me the strength not to chop off thier heads with my feminism in philosophy text and spit down their throat.

Lusticon 5th Edition

Flabalanche n. - The moment when a woman pulls off a tight outfit and flab that had been bound like sausage in it casing comes cascading down. usage- "i couldn't believe she was going to sleep with me- until she pulled off her dress. Once i saw the flabalanche, it all made sense."

Cuddle hustle n. - An age-old manploy in which a woman agrees to spend the night with the assurance that the guy is absoulutely not interested in having sex. usage -"she stayed over at my place cause we were both tired and drunk, but once i got my cuddle hustle on, we were going at it in no time."

Starchitecht n. - a variety of architect that relies almost solely on the concrete/exposed beams/ huge windows look, very plain and monk-ish. Common in lofts etc. usage - "My starchitect refuses to use any other color than grey."

(Thanks to T. for his amazing contributions, no doubt inspired by the Globe!)

Holy Carp, It's Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel..

The bookstore is so unfair. It's so expensive. Some of my classics texts for phil are more than MEDICAL textbooks. Seriously. Somebody tell me the reason in that? Do you want me to be able to tell you the meaning of your life, or save it? Today I think I'd rather know more about the Heimlich than Hegel. It's so cramped in there with half the entire school deciding to buy "Feminist Thought" at the same time, I just gave up and came running home. I think there should be an illegal textbook downloading site. Forget the Beatles. I want Beauvoir.

And what HAVE I done? I'm taking Philosophy of Feminism (where the 2 men look very frightened, and the lack of any women philosophy teachers dictates that it's taught by a man..who looked very relieved to see me, as I was the only one wearing make-up.. and I'm pretty sure the only one wearing a bra..) Philosophy of Mind (where I'm the only one without a t-shirt that shows either the evolution of man or Homer Simpson) Philosophy of Science (ok, if we WERE to delve into this one.. Lets say I'm pretty sure I've touched more boobs than these guys) and my Descartes/Kant class which has the exact same people as my Greek class last semester. Oh yeah. And French. Where I'm more French than Mr. Yakimishyn, our painfully NOT French teacher.

With my poor math, I've figured out that even reading quickly.. I've got 4 hours of reading a day. Minumum. Plus assignments.

Shit.

Operation Resolution - Get Organized

Things I found while cleaning out my closet/purses/shoes for donation to friends/goodwill/bums.

-a half smoked cigarette
-a guitar pick
-3 fly fishing lures
-my tweezerman tweezers
-my halloween candy
-5$
-8 tubes of the same lipchap that I kept buying when I lost them
-37 bobby pins

You don't even want to know what I found under my bathroom sink. Other than I found out (after living here for a semester) that my sink leaks. Onto everything under my sink. After throwing out three (3!) bulging bags of garbage... my bathroom is organized.

And as soon as I finish this old 1/2 cigarette and mouldy O Henry bar, my closet will be organized too. Sweet. I'm doing way better on the organization thing than the excersise thing.. babysteps..

Home!

Alright, after 6 hours on a flight with seven babies (two of which sat right behind us), a very suspicious old lady that kept sneezing on my bro after we read about necrotizing pneumonia, no water and a thousand pretzels, I am home. To my own bed, my own computer, my own washroom, my own (very empty and sad) fridge. *Sigh* I miss my family already! Ok, and I miss the food a lot too. *sigh* But yeah. So I'm home, yay 2007 in Edmonton!

New Years with the Family!

Happy New Year!

I've always thought it was a little absurd to welcome a new year with a raging headache.. So last night my whole family and I made a big dinner, fondue and baked brie and ceasar salad and pear and goat cheese tart.. I may not have started the new year with a headache, but I did start it with a five thousand calorie surplus in my belly.

Also made a few resolutions.. Since I'm a big fan of the top five lists.. here we go!

1. Go to the gym more. (This is by no means my #1, I'm not putting these in order. I just mean.. well, I've getting kinda a pot belly.. I just mean get to the gym a couple times a week because it makes me feel a lot better about my..um.. belly.)

2. Stop saying the word "like". (I cured myself last new years of saying "I'm doing good". Now I say "I'm doing well". Because as much as I'd like to be Super Woman with her Golden Lasso of Truth.. I'm doing well. I'm not doing good.)

3. Cook at home more. (This kinda goes hand in fat belly with #1.. I love cooking, but sometimes it's all too easy to grab a burger or something when you're in a rush. So, I'm going to brown bag it a lot more. And cook at home. *smile*)

4. Be Kinder (It's kind of self explanatory. I need.. um.. some good karma. And it's supposed to feel good, right?)

5. Be more organized. (It's in my control, I just need to do it. There ARE enough hours in the day.. but not when you sleep in or watch a helluva lot of CSI.)

So there you go. Feel free to call me on it. But not while I'm eating bought cheesecake and like, bitching about a shitty co-worker while I'm supposed to be in a meeting.

Happy New Year! I have an overwhelming feeling that 2007 is going to be a great one.