I really love how efficient I get when I'm on an emotional high-ish. Mostly on the downslope, I get these really super productive days where I get SO very much done - today was a lucky one of those days. I've done all the primary and secondary readings for my classes tomorrow and the next day (which I'm sure will give me nightmares.. Being and Nothingness scares the CRAP out of me..), I've mailed, e-mailed, painted posters, done office work in advance, and still found time to run to Future Shop to get a recorder for my Lorkovic lectures, AND make dinner for Jared and Holly. And go to school. It's momentarily frightening, because I know what it is prelude to (a day of exhaustion, tears and abject inefficiency) but I'm trying to hold myself on the cusp and heave myself upwards a little to keep up the momentum.
I feel a lot better now that my room is clean too. I've actually cleaned up, not just rearranged in piles, so I actually have a bedside lamp, a clock within reach (I get these weird anxiety attacks if I can't find out what time it is.. and when Jared stays he sleeps closest to the clock and has to contend with me reaching over a million times a night to see what time it is.) .. so I feel better. I forget what a sanctuary my room is for me, until I don't have it and it's this raging disaster.. I even managed to fit in time today to make magnets for my fridge that has none, and looked up what art courses are being offered at the gallery this fall. Jared keeps telling me I need to start painting/drawing again, I think he's right.
Had a really nice Cointreau and chedder chicken, with wild rice and my goat cheese and strawberry salad with balsalmic vinegar/garlic and olive oil dressing. I love feeding people. Holly knows that when I'm ultimately stressed and falling apart I tend to start cooking for people and taking care of others.. and I think she loves it. *laugh*
Mother Theresa musta been a freakin' nut job, taking care of all those people. *laugh*
1 comment:
Taking care of others is in fact a phenomenal high that can, chemically and physically, alleviate depression.
It is the best thing anyone can do.
Personally? I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good person (believe me), and it gives me the greatest feeling in my life to do even minor things for people in any perceived need.
The major problem, for me, kicks in when I end up doing good things for people in need in stressful situations, and those stressors kick in something else, and exacerbate previous stressors, and negates the emotional high of doing something morally good.
Which is why I work in a warehouse, and avoid social situations as much as possible, as there is always, always, a need.
I'm crazy. But I am sane enough to know I am, and that means I am at least not stupid, and I know my (emotional) limitations.
I love the concept of an artist accepting the transitory nature of their work. It's why I didn't take photographs for so long.
I am now taking photographs again. It's emotionally difficult, yet fascinating, and, I think, healthy.
The idea of using naturally degrading materials in a work harks back, in my mind, to a US artist from the turn of the 20th century, and a Smithsonian article I read years ago about it... and specifically the use of coffee grounds in a painting.
I'll look that up.
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